Talking to Young Children about Tragedy

What a catch 22: Young children are most the world's most vulnerable and sensitive citizens, but their emotions, understanding, and communication skills are still immature. How do we, as parents, talk to our kids truthfully about tragedy while also preserving their innocence and not scaring them? Here are a few tips:

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1. Follow your child's lead. Instead of explaining everything about a traumatic situation to your child, let him ask you questions about the situation. This will allow your conversation to better address what he needs and wants to know.


2. Be gentle. Encourage your child to express her feelings and thoughts by using phrases like, 'Tell me more about that,' or 'What do you mean when you say ______?'


3. Be sensitive. The way young children cope with trauma or tragedy is different than how adults handle it. Even just the thought of events like 9/11 can be very frightening for preschoolers. Look for and be sensitive to the following behaviors:

• Clinginess
• Trouble falling asleep
• Acting out events through play
• Nightmares/bad dreams
• Separation anxiety

4. Allow children to be sad. Try not to negate children's emotions directly by saying things like, 'Don't be sad,' or 'You're not sad, you weren't even alive!' Acknowledging and allowing  your child's emotions will show him that you respect him and help him learn more about his own emotional feelings.

5. Bring closure in a positive way. Make an American flag to hang outside, visit a memorial in your community, or write a letter to the troops. Such activities will help your child have closure on the topic. Bonus: your child is learning the value of patriotism and kindness to others.

Another great resource that pertains specifically to 9/11 can be found here.

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Does Daycare Damage?

A few months back, I had the amazing opportunity to guest write for the official blog of the Center for Children and Families, a research, practice, and outreach organization at the University of Texas at Dallas. 

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The topic? Childcare. It's a hot topic that parents have polarizing opinions on. The truth is that while many parents would love to be able to stay home full time with their kids, they just can't. Many parents are concerned that childcare, for whatever reason, may damage their child.


So, does daycare damage children? The answer may surprise you...below is the post, and you can find the original here.

When I tell people I study parents and kids, I’m often asked, ‘Will day care damage my child?’  It’s a common concern--that hours spent away from you, the parent, and in the care of someone who is also watching several other children will somehow harm or damage your child.  The answer is no-- if your child is in high-quality child care.

A recent study shows that children actually benefit from high-quality child care in two important ways: better academics and fewer behavior problems.  The study, which followed a large number of children across America from birth until age 15, found that adolescents who experienced high-quality childcare when they were young performed slightly better on academic tests than adolescents who experienced low-quality care or no care outside the home.  The study also found that children who had experienced high-quality child care had fewer problem behaviors (like getting into fights or arguing) as teenagers. The effects of early child care experience were small but lasting.  Early high-quality child care appears to have some lasting effects on children’s development -- over 10 years later.

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These benefits pertain specifically to high-quality care. So what qualifies as ‘high-quality’?  The study defined high-quality care as care in which the provider interacts directly with children much of the time, is warm and supportive of children’s needs, and provides intellectual stimulation through games and other developmentally-appropriate activities.

Why would such child care result in higher test scores and fewer problem behaviors later in life?  Deborah Vandell, the lead author of the study, thinks it might be because higher quality child care provides children with early academic and social stimulation that readies them for school.  Children who receive sensitive care and quality stimulation starting early in life may have a head start on the skills they need to succeed in school.

Based on the study, here are some markers of high-quality childcare:

·     Classrooms with a low caregiver-child ratio (fewer children per caregiver) and low turnover of staff

·     Caregivers who are sensitive and responsive all the time, not just when children are upset

·     Classrooms with age-appropriate games and activities

·     Caregivers who get on the child’s level and interact directly with children

The National Association for the Education of Young Children (NAEYC) can help you locate a high quality, accredited program in your area.

You can also visit your local Department of Family services website and view child care options in your area, including results of recent inspections and any licensing violations.

So, parents, put your minds at ease. The days your child spends at child care, if the care is high-quality, may be helping her more than you know! 

What do you think about childcare? Share your thoughts as this could be a great discussion!

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Cleaning Up: Lessons from Mary Poppins

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In the words of the beautiful, skinny, never-stressed, flawless-skinned, practically perfect in every way, but we can’t hate her ‘cause she’s just so dang happy all the time Mary Poppins:

"In every job that must be done

There is an element of fun.

You find the fun and snap!

The job's a game"

She was brilliant, wasn’t she? Did she end up with Bert? Bert was endearing and all, but I think she could have done way better. She could fly, for goodness sake.

Anyhow, she was really on to something when she turned work into a game for Jane and Michael Banks. And I’m not talking Barney’s ‘clean up, clean up, everybody everywhere.’ No, Mary really and truly made cleaning up a fun game for the kids. Granted, we can’t make the toys fly the way she did (If you can do this, email me with instructions). But we can think of ways to take the work out of cleaning up so that it has ‘an element of fun.’

Next time you hear the groans or see the stiff head shakes in response to a clean up request, try one of these clean-up games:

1.     Color Clean-Up – One person calls out a color, and everyone scrambles to find a toy of that color that needs to be put away. After you put said toys away, whoever found the first toy of that color gets to choose the next color. Make this more difficult for older children by using shapes or materials (plastic, cloth, etc).

2.      Musical Clean-Up – Play this musical chairs inspired game with multiple children. Turn on some music and see how many items each child can put away before the music stops (Mom/Dad gets to be the maestro). Instead of someone being ‘out’ (this would lengthen the clean-up time and possibly cause tears), give a prize to the winner of each round (a sticker, a piece of candy, and extra five minutes of play before bed).

3.     Alphabet Clean-Up – Clean things up in alphabetical order! A is for art and paints, B is for Barbies, C is for Crayons, D is for dolls…you get it. Letting your kiddo find an item for each letter will not only help her feel independent, but it also allows her to practice her letters!

It can be tough to find the fun in chores like cleaning up toys, but these games offer quick, easy ways to achieve a complaint- and tear-free clean-up. Mary Poppins would be proud!

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