Parenting Quick Challenge: Summer Breeze

Find one. Just kidding. Well, kind of. Guys. It’s been over 100 degrees here for 15 days straight. Fifteen. And I won’t even tell you what it feels like. Molten lava comes to mind, not that I know what that feels like, but I do think I have a pretty good idea at this point...

Okay really though, the challenge (which we haven’t had in a while, I know, I’m slacking...) is to be like a breeze. If you’ve forgot what that’s like, here’s what one looks like:

Now let’s all do a collective groan and vent about how much we can’t wait for autumn.

Are we done? Okay.

Read more...

Parenting Quick Challenge: Live in the Moment

One thing I admire about young children is their ability to live in the moment. They play freely, without worry of what the next day or even hour will bring. What a free feeling that must be!

source

I’ll be the first to admit that I have trouble living in the moment. I’m a planner. A worrier and a planner. Those qualities have their advantages- I’m rarely late, I almost never forget things, and I’m usually prepared for anything. However, I also wake up many a night- and lie awake- thinking about what I need to do the next day. Not because I have a big meeting or presentation, just because I’m afraid I’ll forget something or not be completely prepared. I toil over details and worry about others far more than I should or probably need to.

Read more...

Parenting Quick Challenge: Don't Praise

I know you read the title of this post and think I'm crazy. I'm not. Keep reading.


Have you ever noticed that when you give your child an accolade ('Good job!" on a piece of artwork, for example), it shuts the conversation down? You haven't? Oh, well it does. Think of it like two adults talking:


Adult 1: "Your outfit looks great today!"


Adult 2: "Thanks!"


Okay...now it's up to Adult 1 to keep the conversation going, otherwise it's pretty much over. It's the same with children. But what if, instead of praising or giving a compliment, you just *notice* something instead?


Adult 1: "I noticed your new haircut yesterday! What made you opt for the change?"


Adult 2: "Oh thanks for noticing! I was just ready for something different and easier to manage."


Adult 1: "I totally understand- I've been ready for a change too. Who do you go to?"


...


See how it can turn into a whole conversation?


It's the same with children. Instead of just a simple 'Good job' or 'nice work,' try noticing something specific. It will turn short conversations into chances for you to get to know your child in ways you didn't before. This builds self-esteem and self-confidence in your child and let her know that you are taking notice of what she's doing.


Instead of:


"Good job at soccer," try "Wow, you were running like I've never seen before!!"


"Nice artwork," try "How did you decide on these different colors?"




Here's the challenge: When you are about to praise your child today, stop. Notice something instead. Turn it into a conversation. 




Want to read more about noticing instead of praising? Grab a copy of Alfie Kohn's Unconditional Parenting. Read more...

Parenting Quick Challenge: Focus on You

Monday's post asked 'Who takes care of YOU?' If your answer was 'I don't know' or 'No one really,' then it has to be YOU who takes care of you! Today's Parenting Quick Challenge is a repost because I think it's so important to take time out for yourself. It makes you a better you and it makes you a better parent.

Today's challenge has two parts:


1. Take some 'me' time, even if it's just 10 minutes. Resist the urge to empty the dishwasher, fold the laundry, or take out the trash. Instead, make yourself a cup of hot tea, soak 10 minutes longer in the shower, or send an email to an old friend. It will recharge you and you'll feel energized.


2. Tell you children something about you. Tell your very young children your favorite color or food; tell your older children how you deal with happiness or frustration- but make it about you. Children learn through actions and sharing something unique to you will help them learn that every person is different. 


Okay, you know the next part. Tell me about it! What did you share? What were your children's reactions? Read more...

Parenting Quick Challenge: Finding Ways To Say Yes to Your Child

Do you feel like you constantly say 'no' to your preschooler?

source

"No, you can't play with that right now, we have to go to school."


"No, you have to finish your dinner. I know you'll be hungry later if you don't."


Sometimes it's not even your fault:


"No, you can't play outside because it's raining."


Bummer. How negative. And don't you always feel like the bad guy? Then find a way to turn each 'no' into a 'yes'! 

• We have to go to school, but you can absolutely take that toy in the car
• I'm happy to let you play for three more minutes before you sit down to eat!
• Well, it's raining outside, but you can play in the garage with the door open 

Here's my challenge to you: Find a way to say 'yes' to your child every day. Your child will feel empowered and so will you.

How did you say 'yes' to your child today?

Read more...

Parenting Quick Challenge: Don't be Perfect

You’re not the perfect parent. There. I said it.

No one can be the perfect parent, including you. And while it’s great to try and be the best parent you can be, it’s not great to beat yourself up every time you make a mistake. Parenting mistakes are going to happen- you’re going to stifle a tantrum by shoving an order of french fries into the back seat and at some point you’ll probably end an argument with “Because I said so, THAT’S why!”

It’s good for your children to see that you’re not perfect. Can you imagine the pressure if they thought they had to live up to a perfect mom or dad? How stressful would that be?!

So here’s the challenge: Stop. Exhale. You’re doing a good job. Let yourself be perfectly imperfect.

Read more...

Parenting Quick Challenge: New Year's Resolutions

Are you sick of the same New Year’s resolutions year after year? Lose weight get organized, start exercising. Why not try something different this year- a parenting resolution!

source

Maybe you want to spend more time with your kids. Resolve to spend an extra 30 minutes per evening (after work or after dinner) reading a book or working on a puzzle with them. Think about it. Thirty minutes each weekday adds up to 2 ½ hours a week. That’s roughly 10 hours each month of extra time your kids get with you!

Or maybe you want to be more patient with your kids. It’s easy to get frustrated with little ones, whose brains don’t work quite as fast as we sometimes wish they did. Young children need lots of reminders and are still learning to live in the world adults have created. Resolve to make yourself take a deep breath before you snap at them, say something that may come off as a put down, or let your frustration come out in what you say or do.

Maybe you haven’t had enough ‘me’ time and it’s affecting your parenting. Resolve to have a babysitter once a week or once a month and make time for yourself. After all, you have to take care of you in order to take care of your children. (The same goes for your relationship!)

What’s your parenting New Year’s Resolution for 2011? Comment and share!

Read more...

Parenting Quick Challenge: Stay Sane for the Holidays (Part 2)

Part one was the food holiday- Thanksgiving. But you got through it, right? Now it's the gift holiday. More fun, but also more stress. Now not only are you dealing with your relatives, in-laws, food and cooking, unfamiliar people staying in your home (or you staying in unfamiliar people's homes), but add in the stress of... Gifts.

Now, if you're like me, you know exactly what to get each and every person on your list- you know just what will make each loved one smile and warm their hearts in the most personal kind of way. You've also finished all your shopping by December 1.  Wait. That's not me at all. As I write this, I'm still not finished shopping and each year I convince myself a little more that gift cards are in fact quite a thoughtful, personal gift- after all, it’s like money, only better. Right? RIGHT?

But I regress. The point is: the holidays can be are stressful. If you celebrate Hanukkah, congratulations! You. Are. Done. Pat yourself on the back, put your feet up, and take a rest. If you celebrate Christmas, stay tuned: what follows is my highly philosophical, well thought out, took me days to come up with it, top two reasons to remind yourself NOT to be stressed out for Christmas 2010:

1. Christmas is on a Saturday. Sleep in on Sunday.

2. If your kids get up at the crack of dawn on Christmas day, the will likely zonk out for a nap by noon.

TAA-DAAA! There. Don’t you feel less stressed already?!

Read more...

Parenting Quick Challenge: Stay Sane for the Holidays (Part 1)

Okay, dear readers, as we embark on the Thanksgiving holiday I know that many of you will be celebrating with family and extended family over the next few days. And family + extended family + cramped living quarters + lots of food + lots of kids = lots of STRESS LOVE, right???


So as you go into this first of two back-to-back holidays (up next: Christmas, Hanukkah, or Kwanzaa), I realize that you're thinking: 'You know what I need? I need one more challenge.'


I'm on it.


Here's the challenge: When you're about to lose it on an in-law, when you're about to throw out the burnt dressing and buy the whole darn dinner from Kroger, when you're about to pack up the kids and just go home and turn on Dora because at least you will have 30 minutes of peace...just look at your kiddos for a minute. Just for a minute. Maybe they're playing- and it's probably the cutest thing you've ever seen. Maybe they're zonked out on the sofa from a mashed potato, cherry pie induced coma- and it's the most peaceful sight of the day. And just remember: you do it for them.




P.S. To my Canadian, UK, German, and Indian (and anyone I forgot) readers, thanks for sticking with me through the past few American Thanksgiving posts. And to everyone, I'll be back on Monday, November 29- well fed and well rested! Read more...

Parenting Quick Challenge: Having a Thankful Heart

Thanksgiving is right around the corner. As parents, we want our children to have thankful hearts. We want to teach them that thanksgiving is a time for careful reflection on what we're thankful for and not just turkey time (though the pie is irresistible...oh the pie...). But how can we help young kiddos learn to communicate their thankfulness?

Yep. You guessed it. By example. Young children will follow your lead of showing how thankful you are for the good things in your life. 

Try it like this: "I'm so thankful for ______. 'Thankful' means I'm so glad. It makes my heart happy."

Then ask your child what she is thankful for. You may need to help very young children by giving suggestions- "Hmm...you always seem so happy when the puppy comes inside and licks your hand. I wonder if you're thankful to have such a friendly puppy?!" And you can challenge older children by helping them think of qualities, rather than just tangible objects, that they're thankful for.


Did you do it? What happened? Now go eat pie :) Read more...

Parenting Quick Challenge: Avoiding Frustration with Your Child

This week's Parent of the Week post made a great point. We, as parents, can get so frustrated with our children when they do things like dawdle on the way to the bathroom because they notice Every. Single. Thing. But think for a second how amazing that is- if the world didn’t have people that perceptive and detail oriented, we wouldn’t have amazing scientists and astronauts. If we didn't have kids who wanted to try out every single one of the 120 count crayons, we wouldn't have such talented artists and painters.

So here’s the challenge: Try not to get frustrated with your child’s, hmmm, let’s call them ‘personality quirks.’ Try to think of the positive things about your child and comment on them. You and your child will be glad you did.

For example, if you have a very boisterous child, instead of saying

“Why can’t you just calm down for FIVE MINUTES?”

Try: “I love the energy you have! I wonder if you will be an athlete or a dancer when you grow up?! Do you feel like playing outside with all that energy?”

Try it. Did you do it? How did it feel? 

Read more...

Parenting Quick Challenge: Deep Breath

Are you patient? I’m not. I’ll go ahead and put it out there. But when you have kids, you have to be. And if you aren’t naturally patient, you learn to be. Sometimes it’s so hard. Life runs on a schedule and guess what? Life doesn’t wait on you. It’s so easy to get caught up in the ‘We-have-to-go-now, get-your-shoes-on, and puh-lease-stop-hitting-your-brother!!!!!’ Whew. That’s a mouthful. And a mindful.

So stop. Take a deep breath. Let it out s-l-o-w-l-y. There. Feel better?

Here's the challenge: Try it today. Twice. You’ll feel more relaxed.

Read more...

Parenting Quick Challenge: Belly Laugh

It's the greatest feeling, isn't it? That kind of laugh that comes from the depths of your gut, where you just can't stop, and your cheeks are hurting and your eyes are squinting so hard you can barely see. It's refreshing.

source

You can't make yourself belly laugh- that's the thing. But my challenge to you today is to be open to the opportunity for a belly laugh. I know it sounds silly, but sometimes our lives get so frazzled and busy that even if the opportunity for a belly laugh came up we'd be too busy to notice. So slow down for a second and let yourself be open to the possibility.

Oh, and did you know that belly laughs are contagious? Chances are that your child belly laughs quite a bit more often than you. Pay attention and I bet you'll see. Let it infect you. It's a wonderful sickness. :)

What made you belly laugh last?? Read more...

Tantrum Tip: Keep it Simple and Redirect

You can feel it coming. The pressure is building. You know the flood gates are about to open and the tantrum is about to start because your child wants a toy / a toy was taken out of your child's hands / it's time to go / it's not time to go / it's bedtime / you said no to ice cream / he hasn't had a nap. Whatever the reason, your kiddo is C-R-A-N-K-Y. And a tantrum is on the way. 

A quick tip for dealing with those 'on the verge of waterworks' moments is: Keep it simple and redirect.

First, Keep it simple. Kids on the verge of tears don't have the energy or capacity to understand your long, complicated explanation for why you said no to ice cream. They care about the bottom line- no ice cream. Keep your explanation short and sweet (Another pun. I am on a roll.)- "Ice cream is for after dinner," or "Ice cream is for special occasions."

Second, Redirect. Move your child's attention to something else entirely. "Hey, look! That lady is walking a dog just like ours! Should we ask her if we can pet it?!" or (say you're at the mall) "Don't you have a gift card to the Lego store? It's right around the corner!"

Read more...

Parenting Quick Challenge: Bedtime Rituals

When I was young, my mom and I had this bedtime ritual. We did it every night without fail. At the risk of you thinking we were crazy (we were, a little), here's what it was: I would stand on my bed facing my mother, which put me at roughly at the same height as her. We had a little made up song and dance that we did. It lasted maybe ten seconds, max. It involved fist and elbow swinging along with just a tad of hip swaying. I won't sing you the song but suffice it to say that it was silly. Each night after said production, I jumped into the lying position to receive my bedtime story and 'wind down' (one terrible, fateful night, this 'jump' involved me breaking my thumb. That is another post entirely.).


The point is: I'm now twenty-seven years old a grown adult and I still remember it. Even the song. It was 'our thing.' For me as a child, it was predictable. I knew I could count on it as a part of my bedtime routine. It was comforting. Even if I had had a rotten day, singing and dancing with my mom ended it on a good note (get it?! note?! I really should go into comedy...). And it connected me with my mom. I could call my mother up this second and she could sing the song to me. 


Here's the challenge: Create a special bedtime ritual with your child. It does not need to be a full out stage production, just something quick and special that helps you and your child have a special moment at the end of each day. Here are a few ideas:

• Have special bedtime words, for example: "Goodnight, sleep tight, don't let the bed bugs bite, and if they do then smack 'em, smack 'em, smack 'em right!"
• Talk about your favorite thing that happened during the day
• Talk about what you're looking forward to about tomorrow

What did you come up with? Do you already do this? Tell me about it!

Read more...

Parenting Quick Challenge: Date Night

Children make our lives complete. They are our everything. Our children are our hearts and souls, and it's difficult to remember what life was like before them. But for just a second I want you to try. I bet you had more date nights before you had kids, didn't you? 


Since young children rely on us to meet so many of their needs, it's easy to let the relationship with your partner fall to the wayside while we fill sippy cups, cut waffles, and give baths. Don't. That love is what created your family in the first place and it deserves to be nurtured just as you nurture your children.


Here's my challenge to you. Make a plan for a date night. Weekly, bi-weekly, whatever. There are a million excuses not to, but I promise you and your partner will feel reconnected and reenergized.


And just in case those excuses do start creeping into your mind:

• Low on money? Hire a babysitter for two hours (fairly cheap) and do something free, like walk in a park, take a drive, or look at the stars
• Really low on money? Do a babysitter exchange with a friend (you watch all the kids one night, then switch on another night), then do something free
• Exhausted after a long week? Do something relaxing. Drop the kids off at grandma's and have a movie marathon with the hubs or go see a funny movie
• I don't have a spouse/significant other. Plan a girls' night/guys' night. You deserve it. You need it.
• We just don't have time! Make time. That's part of it. No easy fix for this one :)

How do you and your partner keep the love alive?

Read more...

Parenting Quick Challenge: Focus on You

I haven't really told you a lot about me. I try and keep the focus on kids and parents because, well, that's what this whole shindig is about. But sometimes it's fun to tell others about yourself, and that's just what my bloggy friend, Balancing Mama, let me do this weekend over at her blog. So if you've ever wondered about 1. My eyebrows, 2. My favorite musical, or 3. How and why I started this blog, head on over and read a little about yours truly. You'll also want to follow Balancing Mama because she's inspiring and her daughter is CUTE!


Okay, so now to the challenge. Like I said, it's fun to focus on yourself sometimes, but its also healthy. Of course it's great to devote yourself to your children and take care of their needs- that's your job. But guess what? Taking care of yourself is part of being ready to take care of your children.


Today's challenge has two parts:


1. Take some 'me' time, even if it's just 10 minutes. Resist the urge to empty the dishwasher, fold the laundry, or take out the trash. Instead, make yourself a cup of hot tea, soak 10 minutes longer in the shower, or send an email to an old friend. It will recharge you and you'll feel energized.


2. Tell you children something about you. Tell your very young children your favorite color or food; tell your older children how you deal with happiness or frustration- but make it about you. Children learn through actions and sharing something unique to you will help them learn that every person is different. 


Okay, you know the next part. Tell me about it! What did you share? What were your children's reactions? Read more...

Parenting Quick Challenge: Listen.

It’s hard enough to listen to other adults, let alone our children. While listening to your kids talk, it’s easy to get lost thinking about what you want to say in response or how to make this a ‘teaching moment.’

Today I challenge you to listen. Really listen.

Today when your kids talk, take it in. Hear the words, but also experience the emotion, see the body language, feel the connection.

Listen to how well he expresses himself. Hear how much joy and emotion is behind what she says.

Listen.

What did you hear?

Read more...

Parenting Quick Challenge: Slow down

Avant Garde Parenting got its first blog award! 


A huge thanks to Is there a Doctor in the House? who bestowed this honor upon AGP- go visit and read about her precious daughter's first day at childcare- too funny!

The 'Cherry on Top' award asks that I answer the question, 'If you had the chance to go back and change one thing in your life, would you and what would it be?'

I'm not sure if this counts, but one thing I constantly work on is slowing down, breathing in, and savoring life. Stopping to smell the roses, so to speak. As a rule, I have two speeds: fast and faster. I'm always looking for the most efficient way to accomplish things, which has its merits, but can also cause events in my life to speed by without me having a chance to enjoy them. So if I could change one thing in my life, it would be to SLOW DOWN and enjoy it more. 

This is a good challenge for parents. With kids, we often feel rushed. Errands to run before lessons/practice, doctor's appointment at 2:15, need to put dinner in the oven by 4:00, homework finished by 7:30. And I'll be the first to admit: it's tough to make yourself slow down. But another tough realization is how crazy fast kids grow up. You know- you blink and they're teenagers. 

Slow. Down.

Take photos in your head. consciously make yourself remember moments in your children's lives. Write them in a journal. Capture them on film. Slow. Down. My guess is that you'll be glad you did.

So the challenge today: savor three moments. They can be with your kids, your husby, or yourself. 

Did it relax you? Put you in a good mood? Make you even more late for t-ball practice?

The 'Cherry on Top' award also asks me to choose 5 other blogs to give the award to. Not surprisingly, I chose parenting/mommy blogs. Here they are, described in three words each (not because I'm supposed to, I just like a challenge):

The Happy Holladays - witty. dogs. baby.

In the Kitchen with Audrey - cooking. kids. innovative.

The View from the Johnsons - hilarious. relatable. hilarious.

Lori's LOLz - homeschooling. inspirational. useful.

ag.gray.gate - family. eclectic. smiley.

Read more...

Parenting Quick Challenge: I love you

You probably tell your kids you love them all the time (good for you!). Next time you say it, try this little twist: 

source

Instead of saying 'I love you,' 


say, 


'I love...' and then fill in the blank with something about your child's personality. 




Then comment and tell me what you said/how your child reacted/how you felt.


I'm excited to hear!



Read more...