Parenting | Singleparent Blog

Liar Liar

2011-08-20T05:00:00.000-07:00

A while ago I posted on lying in children. It has ended up being one of my most read posts. So read, that I did a CBS 11 segment on it. So read, that I'm giving a talk on it today. So read, that I decided to add some more information.

You can read the original post and watch the CBS clip here but to quickly recap: children don't lie to be bad. Are you shocked? Don't be. Kiddos may be avoiding punishment, yes, but in reality they are practicing a new skill they're learning- that I know something you don't know. I can lie to you about it and you won't know that I'm not telling you the truth.

But why do kids lie? Where does it come from?

Lying comes from a bigger set of skills called Theory of Mind. It's this idea that we can know about our own thoughts and also the thoughts of others. I can know for example, that you're reading this and assume I'm a professional and am giving you credible information. So I could, in theory, be making all of this up. But I also know enough about other people's motives to know that you could find out that I'm not giving you credible information. You could, in essence, find out whether I'm a liar. So I'll tell you the truth :)

How do researchers know when kids learn these Theory of Mind skills? One way is to test how much kiddos know about what someone else knows. Watch this clip of a classic 'false belief' task- in which children's ability to understand that people can have differing beliefs (just because I know something doesn't necessarily mean you do) is tested.

Now, you're probably thinking, 'Wait a second. My 3-year-old lies all the time. He totally knows the difference between what I know and what I don't know. Every time I say, 'Did you brush your teeth?' He shakes his head yes and his toothbrush is bone dry. Does this mean my child is a genius-MENSA-baby?' Yes. Wait, no. Turns out, lying is one of the first cognitively complex skills children learn. That figures, right? Also, you've probably figured out that very young children aren't really the, ahem, best liars. I'm just saying, he could have wet the toothbrush to make it really believable.

I digress. The point is, this skill is developmental, meaning it doesn't develop overnight. Which is great, because it gives parents an opportunity to intercede and teach kids why the truth is good and lying is not so good.

I'll talk more about that next time. And also why punishment doesn't work to help your children stop lying :)

Parenting Quick Tip: Don't Get Bogged Down in the Details

2011-07-28T05:00:00.000-07:00

When you're in the middle of a struggle with your preschooler, it's super easy to get bogged down in the details, whether it's making sure the clothes match, making him eat all his veggies, or just getting OUT of the store without having a major meltdown.

Quick tip for today: Think big picture. What am I trying to accomplish here? Getting dressed and out the door in time for school? (Then do matching socks really matter? And really, do they ever?) Making sure he gets enough veggies for the day? (Try another type- carrots, beets, peas, green beans, cherry tomatoes, need I go on?) Happiness on both of our parts? (Carry her out of the store piggy-back, saddle-back, arm-in-arm).

The point is, sometimes we get so bogged down in the details WITH kids that we forget to take ourselves out of the situation mentally and look at the bigger picture of what we're actually trying to teach or accomplish. Just a thought :)

Happy Thursday!

Parenting Quick Challenge: Summer Breeze

2011-07-19T06:01:00.000-07:00

Find one. Just kidding. Well, kind of. Guys. It’s been over 100 degrees here for 15 days straight. Fifteen. And I won’t even tell you what it feels like. Molten lava comes to mind, not that I know what that feels like, but I do think I have a pretty good idea at this point...

Okay really though, the challenge (which we haven’t had in a while, I know, I’m slacking...) is to be like a breeze. If you’ve forgot what that’s like, here’s what one looks like:

Now let’s all do a collective groan and vent about how much we can’t wait for autumn.

Are we done? Okay.

As parents, sometimes you have to try and be like the breeze and just go with things. Move freely, be flexible, sway. It’s tough, but it’s so worth it. I promise. I, for one, am the type of person who loves to be in control all the time. Guess what? Not always a good way to be. Definitely not always a good way to be with kids. When you can be flexible and sway with life, you may even discover new adventures, new things about the world that you never knew were there. It may bring about positive sides of your attitude you never knew were there :)

Now go. Sway.

From the Archives: Look Who's Talking!

2011-07-13T05:00:00.000-07:00

A while ago I was having a conversation with a friend about her car radio breaking. She was complaining about not being able to hear traffic and news and just her poor excuse for a car in general. Then she paused. ‘You know,’ she said, ‘I do talk to my kids a lot more in the car now that our other alternative is silence.’

source

This made me think: Does this happen a lot? And why have we stopped talking to our kids while we’re in the car? The commute to school/karate/ballet class/church/the grocery store is the perfect venue for talking (and listening) to our children. Especially for toddlers and preschoolers, having conversations with adults is important because it teaches (and gives an outlet for practicing) two important rules of conversation:

Question and answers – As adults, we instinctively know how this dance goes. One person asks a question, the other answers. Babies first begin to learn this when an adult asks a question they already know the answer to (“What color is this?”) and then answers it for the child (“Green!”). As children get older, they can answer questions and learn to ask other questions through practicing conversation.
Turn taking – I think all parents will agree that this is an important skill and the basis of learning to share. It also shows up when we talk with others. We all have the friend who (bless her heart) never learned this skill and talks your ear off while you nod along and your eyes glaze over. By practicing conversation with your kiddo, you are teaching him that the best communication happens when both people have a chance to talk.

Here are some simple ways to get the conversation going while you’re on the go:

Ask open-ended questions – about your child’s preferences, thoughts, or activities. This seems common sense but often, with children, we ask questions that can be answered in one word because we know they can (and usually will) answer. Start with these:

· Tell me about…

· How do you think we could…

· What do you think of…

Notice rather than give your opinion – When you remark on something about your child and leave your opinion ambiguous, it encourages your child to expand on what you’ve said. Think about it. It works with adults, too. If someone says to me, ‘I love your blog!’ I will likely reply, ‘Thanks!’ But if someone says, ‘I visited your blog. I see that you post every day,’ I will probably reply in a way that gives more information and keeps the conversation, ‘I’m so glad you visited. I just have so many ideas to get out and writing is a great creative outlet for me.’ Instead of:

· Did you have fun at dance class?

· Did you see that Friday is Splash Day at school?

· I like the pictures you drew!

Try:

· I noticed that you had a big smile on your face when you left dance class today...

· I saw that something special is happening at school on Friday…

· I noticed that you used markers instead of crayons on your art…

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Not only will such conversations with your kids improve their conversational skills, but also: What better way to show your kids that you love and care about them and their opinions than by encouraging them to talk and really listening when they do?

I challenge you to switch the radio OFF next time you get in the car. Can you do it?

What do you like to talk to your kids about? Leave a comment!

On Parenting and Happiness

2011-07-07T05:00:00.000-07:00

A recent study that polled over 200,000 people around the globe found that parents of young children are- wait for it- not quite as happy as parents of older children. Surprised? Well, say researchers, the answers may lie in the very simple, everyday tasks that stress out parents of very young children: diaper changes, night-time wakings, temper tantrums and the like. More still, young children use resources you may not be thinking of (or maybe you are) on a day to day basis: they take time away from you and your partner, your friends, and money out of your wallet. And even though parents love the snookers out of their little ones, it's a tough job, and one that may be affecting your happiness.

The bright side? As children age, the amount of care they require diminishes- and so does your stress. Result: happiness increases. As children reach young adulthood, parents may begin to see the fruits of their labor- college, career, wedding, and grandchildren. The study found that, by age 40, parents were happier than couples who didn't have children.

What do you think? Sound off. Do you agree? Do you think it differs by culture? By gender of the child? By age at which you have a child? Tell me!

Happy Birthday, America!

2011-07-04T06:30:00.000-07:00

Perhaps one of the easiest (and most fun!) ways to explain Independence Day to youngsters is as America’s Birthday. Below are just a few ways for you and your preschool patriot to help America celebrate:

1. Make a paper or felt flag – older kiddos may enjoy learning what the stars and stripes represent (50 states and 13 original colonies).

2. Play patriotic music and sing along! Songs like Yankee Doodle and the Star Spangled Banner aren’t just patriotic, they’re fun and a symbol or respect for our country.

3. Pick out a red, white, and blue outfit for each member of the family to wear today!

4. Color in a map of the United States and start teaching your preschooler the names of each of the 50 states.

5. End the day by watching a local fireworks show.

Have a GREAT Independence day. And maybe, if you have time, watch the annual hot dog eating contest. I love it J

Five Fun Things to Do With Water!

2011-06-30T05:00:00.000-07:00

Summer’s here and I don’t know about where you are, but it is H-O-T in Texas. Here are five funtabulously fun things to do with water with your preschooler (besides the obvious- swimming). Enjoy!

1. Make a water xylophone – Fill several drinking glasses with different amounts of water. Using a metal spoon, gently tap on each glass to hear the different sound it makes as a result of the differing amount of water. Tap out a song! Add some food coloring for an extra colorful instrument!

2. Washing Dishes Helper – While you’re washing the dishes, give your child a few clean tupperwares or plastic plates to ‘wash’ alongside you. It will get your child involved give him some fun sensory experiences.

3. Experiment with Colors – Use food coloring, juices, or anything soluble that can turn the water different colors. Mix colors, mix materials, just have a go at it and create your own science experiment. Then see how things turn out when you try and use your creation as paint!

4. Paint the Sidewalk – with water. Grab an old paintbrush, fill a bucket with water, and ‘paint’ the sidewalk or the driveway. I used to LOVE doing this as a kid. It’s relaxing and it will help your toddler or preschooler work on fine motor skills.

5. Sink or Float? Before bath time round up a whole load of water safe toys. Make two piles: one pile of things you think will float and one pile of things you think will sink. Hop in and test. Were you right?

Depression and Your Parenting Style: What it May Mean for Your Child

2011-06-27T05:00:00.000-07:00

In a fascinating study that came out last month in the journal Psychological Science, researchers from the University of Maryland found that preschoolers with depressed mothers became more stressed out during mildly stressful experiences than children without depressed mothers, but only if their mothers exhibited a negative parenting style.

Let’s break it down. The researchers put preschoolers in mildly stressful situations when they participated in the research experiment, like interacting with a stranger or giving them a locked transparent box with a fun toy inside but no way to open it. They measured cortisol, a stress hormone, both before and after the stressful experiences. When we’re stressed out, our cortisol levels increase. The researchers found that the cortisol levels increased the most in kiddos who had moms who 1.Were depressed and 2.Displayed a negative parenting style.

What is meant by negative parenting style? I’m so glad you asked. In the kind of work I do, negative, or hostile, parenting is defined as parental behaviors that express anger, frustration, and/or criticism toward the child. At the extreme end, think put-downs, yelling, blaming. At the milder end, think sarcasm or frustrated insistence that a child do a task a certain way.

Back to the results. The researchers can’t say that depression and negative parenting caused the increase in stress for the kiddos- it’s just a correlation, or a linkage, but it’s still super interesting. But what’s hopeful to note is that, in this study, just having a depressed parent didn’t result in an increase in stress- the depressed parent had to have a negative parenting style. Which means we can focus on the parenting behaviors, which is very doable!

So if you think you might be depressed, besides getting help for yourself (because depression is one of the most treatable mental illnesses!), here are a few things you can do to make sure you’re giving your child your best:

Set a timer for 5 minutes and give your child that much undivided playtime. If 5 minutes is too long for you, set it for 3.
When playing with your child, repeat to yourself, ‘I can be flexible.’ Remember: letting your child take the lead is a good thing. Play doesn’t have to be structured to be fun!
If you find yourself drifting away mentally during play, find physical attributes about the toys to point out to your child (colors, letters, numbers, etc.). This will help you stay engaged and help your child learn!
Ask your child to ‘read’ a book to you.
Schedule structured outings away from home, like story time at your local library. Getting a fresh view will be nice for you, and not planning anything will take the pressure off.
Think about the words that come out of your mouth to your child. "If I had to make a general rule for living and working with children, it might be this: be wary of saying or doing anything to a child that you would not do to another adult, whose good opinion and affection you valued." -John Holt

Physical Therapy: Warning Signs and What Parents Can Do from KidsCare Therapy

2011-06-23T04:00:00.000-07:00

It is with such sadness that I introduce our final post in our KidsCare Therapy series. I've had such a fun time working with KidsCare to bring you valuable information about in-home Speech, Occupational, and Physical Therapy, what to look for as warning signs with your children, and how to help your children along developmental milestones. All good things must come to an end, I suppose, but I've let KidsCare know that they are welcome back 'round these parts anytime :)

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KidsCare Therapy has bittersweet feelings about being back this week for the final post of our series with Avant Garde Parenting for the second half of information on physical therapy. We are so happy that after today we will have provided you with the last bit of information to help enable you to keep the kids in your life developing, but we have enjoyed sharing our passion so much that it is sad to see it end!

In our last post we covered the general overview of what a pediatric physical therapist scope of treatment includes. So what do you think we are going to discuss for this week? That’s right – we are going to tell you all about the specific diagnosis our physical therapist see in children, as well as potential warning signs and some things you can do with your children to ensure they continue to develop on target!

Physical therapists most often see children with developmental delays. While they also treat many patients with Autism, Cerebral Palsy, Down syndrome and Neurological Impairments, as with speech and occupational therapy they are really treating a list of common symptoms in these diagnosis, which we discussed in our last post. In order to know if your child could potentially need physical therapy services, we have provided a list below of potential warning signs in a child.

These warning signs include;

If an infant has difficulty holding up his/her head
A child is falling a lot
Unable to perform skills like their peers
Walking on their toes
Regression of motor skills they have previously acquired
They have difficulties walking
Poor posture
Asks to be carried all the time
If they use one side of the body more than the other
They show jerky movements or poor balance

For additional developmental delays please check out our developmental delay chart

These are all potential signs that could mean a child in your life needs to be evaluated for physical therapy services, and as we mentioned in our last post, catching this early, with proper treatment can help to alleviate problems later in the child’s life.

So, what can you do to help ensure you child develops normally? While you can’t be sure that they don’t break a bone or get into an accident (because lets face it – kids will be kids), you can do a few simple things to help make sure they continue to develop their motor skills at a normal pace.

· For an infant it is important they have the opportunity to spend time on the floor in different positions. While it is not recommended for them to sleep on their tummies, it is important that they spend some time on their stomach while they are awake. This helps to facilitate rolling, head control and overall development.

· Minimize the time your infant spends in seating systems such as a car seat, bouncy seat and swing. These activities are primarily passive and don’t encourage a lot of movement and strength building. Providing your infant with floor time will assist them with developing their gross motor skills and meeting their milestones.

· In today’s day of TV and video games it is important that your child gets exercise daily. This can be easily done by doing activities that range from riding bikes, scooters, jumping rope, or just taking a walk or going to the park. Limit TV and video games to one hour per day and remember to utilize a helmet when riding bikes and scooters (to prevent those kid accidents!).

· Along those same lines, playing with your child is perhaps one of the best things you can do to keep them in shape and healthy. Specifically, swinging on swings, crawling through tunnels, and playing on the playground can help to develop their motor planning skills, strength and endurance. Simple things that you can do in your home include building an obstacle course using furniture, building a fort together to explore, or playing with the couch cushion making tunnels or towers.

· Being involved in sports such as gymnastics, swimming, and soccer are also great ways to enhance strength, coordination and balance.

With the help of these activities hopefully your child will continue to grow and thrive normally, but as we mentioned before if you ever notice that a child in your life is displaying some of the above listed warning signs be sure to mention it to their pediatrician. There are lots of great home health agencies in the area that can provide physical therapy services to your child right there in your living room!

See below for a great story about a kid who with one of our home health physical therapists was able to play with his brother again.

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Jaden, age 2, was born prematurely. He and his twin brother were delivered via C-section at 32 weeks because of a complication called twin-to-twin transfusion. One of the twins’ systems (in this case, Jaden’s) was doing all of the work for both. To make matters worse, he also had a condition called tricuspid atresia, a problem in which the right ventricle of his heart did not form. Jaden’s heart, already weaker than a normal baby’s, was forced to support two babies.

Jaden spent the first three months of his life in the hospital before his parents were allowed to bring him home. He underwent his first heart surgery at one and half months; his second, at six months. His most recent heart surgery, the third, was one month ago—a week after his second birthday. All were considered great successes, but as with any surgery, post-operative care is critical. Because of the vulnerable state of his heart, Jaden cannot and should not expend too much energy. In addition, he is very susceptible to infection and he must receive oxygen at all times, which means leaving his house is difficult. Anytime Jaden goes anywhere, his oxygen tank and supplies follow.

All of these complications make Jaden a very immobile child. Unfortunately, mobile is just what he and his family must be with the constant schedule of doctors’ appointments. They consider themselves very fortunate having the ability to receive therapy in the home. Not only does this mean they are not obligated to transport Jaden and his equipment to therapy sessions six times a week, but also do not have to expose his fragile system to the shock of the real world as often.

In-home therapy has also given Jaden’s therapists a chance for educating the family to be better able to care for him. They have been taught exactly how to work with him so that he will continue to progress, even when the therapist is not present. After just a year of therapy, Jaden has conquered most of his sensory issues, is standing, and will soon be walking around just like his active twin brother! This will be a dream come true for everyone in Jaden’s family.

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Our passion here at KidsCare Therapy is helping kids, and because of this we have enjoyed providing information to all of the Avant Garde readers on how kids can develop and thrive. We hope that you have found our posts entertaining and informative and please feel free to contact us at our office if you have any questions about potential warning signs you see in a child in your life!

Parent of the Week: Danny Tanner

2011-06-21T05:00:00.000-07:00

This past Sunday was Father’s Day and I can’t think of a better dad to celebrate than Danny Tanner himself. I mean, seriously, raising three girls on your own PLUS letting your ~~deadbeat~~ starving artist musician brother Uncle Jesse, his wife and twin babies, AND your ~~creepy (did he ever really date anyone?)~~ quirky best friend Uncle Joey live with your family in your amazing San Francisco town home? How did he do it? And what did he do for a living again? (Oh yeah, he hosted a television morning show. I just Wikipedia-ed it. I guess they could afford that house...)

ANYway, Danny was an awesome dad and the last five minutes of every show make me confident of this. Why, there was the time DJ went on a crash diet so she could be skinny, the time DJ got drunk at a party...man, DJ had a rough go of it. But Danny was always there for a quick 5 minute heart to heart, complete with compelling background music. And shoulder pads. For both of them. And a swinging kitchen door. What is it with 80’s/90’s sitcoms and swinging kitchen doors? Did any real people actually have these in their homes?

I digress. Again.

Today, Danny Tanner, we honor you. We honor your ability to solve all childhood/adolescent problems as a single parent in 5 minutes or less with the perfect background track. We honor your...dancing ability?

Teens who Feel Responsible to Parents Fare Better in School

2011-06-20T05:00:00.000-07:00

In a fascinating new study, researchers find that teens who feel a sense of responsibility toward their parents tend to do better in school. Interesting, huh? I know what you’re thinking – this website is about preschoolers. But preschoolers grow up to be teenagers. And parents are always concerned about how to help their children succeed in school. So I thought this was relevant J

The study followed children from 7^th to 9^th grade in both the United States and China and asked kids questions like, ‘How much time do you feel you need to spend with your parents?’ and ‘Do you try to do well in school in part to please your parents?’ When students were in 7^th grade, both American and Chinese students felt equal respect and responsibility toward their parents, but something interesting happened as they got older: American teenagers began to feel less responsible to their parents. This was not true, however, for Chinese teenagers. This is likely a difference between cultures.

But here’s where it gets really interesting. For both American and Chinese teens, those who felt a high sense of respect toward and responsibility to their parents got better grades and showed better attitudes for learning. Why? Well, we don’t know for sure, but it may have something to do with those teens and parents maintaining a close relationship with each other. One of the authors of the study suggests the importance of parents being involved in teens’ lives, which was also linked with teens’ feelings of responsibility toward their parents.

So what can you do with your preschooler? Start now! If your child is in preschool, be involved. Celebrate successes, but don’t put too much emphasis on perfection. Let your child know that family time is important- set aside one day per week for time for just family, and stay committed to that. Continue these traditions throughout your child’s school years.

Children and Mistakes

2011-06-15T05:00:00.000-07:00

I'm excited to bring you a guest article from Alina Tugend, author of Better by Mistake: The Unexpected Benefits of Being Wrong. Goodness knows that I'm wrong. A lot. I'm so excited to read this book and learn about how we can actually benefit, and help children benefit, from learning from our mistakes rather than dwelling on them...enjoy!

Children and Mistakes

by Alina Tugend,

Author of Better By Mistake: The Unexpected Benefits of Being Wrong

It's crucial that we, as parents, allow our children to make mistakes and fail and figure out how to recover from them. We can't rush in and fix every problem, whether it be forgotten homework, an awkward social encounter or not getting a part in the school play.

We know from research that building children's self-esteem and self-worth is much less about praise and gold stars and trophies for everyone and much more about creating resilience. Children who know how to screw up and fail and try again.

"While we do not want our children to face ongoing failure, to attempt to overprotect them and rush in whenever we fear they might fail at a task robs them of an important lesson, namely that mistakes are experiences from which to learn," writes Robert Brooks and Sam Goldstein in their book Nurturing Resilience in Our Children. "It also communicates another subtle or perhaps not-so-subtle message to a child: We don't think you are strong enough to deal with obstacles and mistakes."

It's not that resilient children don't feel bad about their mistakes and failures, but they don't see themselves as failures. Too often children who think that messing up means they're losers quit tasks, blame others and deny responsibility.

But, as we know, nothing in parenting is black and white. It's fine to theoretically say that all children must make mistakes and fail, but when it's our children, all that great insight can go out the window. Or as my sister said when her nine-year-old was having a particularly tough baseball season, "I just don't want to be there when he strikes out."

What parent hasn't felt he or she would do anything to stop the tears? Or even worse, knowing there's something we can do and chose not to because our son or daughter has to learn a lesson.

So here are some thoughts that I keep in mind during the treacherous journey of parenthood:

There are no absolutes. We shouldn't always rescue our children from their mistakes, but that doesn't mean we never should. Author Barbara Coloroso helpfully divides parents into brick-wall parent, jellyfish parent and backbone parent.

The brick-wall parent rigidly adheres to views of when to help. Never deliver the forgotten band instrument or science report. The jellyfish parent scurries over to school, French horn in hand, as soon as the call comes. The backbone parent takes the situation into consideration. Is the child constantly forgetting? Then she needs to learn Mom or Dad isn't always there as a back-up. But if it's an occasional thing, then why not bring over the lunch left on the kitchen table? After all we all forget things sometimes.

Try (and I said try -- it's not always easy in the heat of the moment) to criticize your child in an appropriate manner. Avoid the words "always" and "never," as in "you're always so lazy and never ready when you need to be." Instead attempt to stick to the specific offense, "You seem to be late to school because you don't get your backpack ready the night before. How can we resolve this? Do you need me to check with you in the evening? If you don't want me to, you need to deal with it -- but if you're late to school again, we are taking away your TV privileges for the week."

In the second version, you're addressing the specific problem, telling the child he or she needs to figure out and to resolve it -- while giving a few suggestions -- and warning of specific consequences if the problem is not fixed.

Work on focusing on the process, not just the results. When we're too worried about the good grade or the sports success, we lose sight of what we're trying to really teach our children. We start buying into the false notion that if they don't do well in every area of their life, they won't get into a good college, land a good job and have the great life we want them to have. We lose sight that one of our most important jobs as parents is to help teach our children how to successfully navigate the inevitable ups and downs of life. Children who aren't allowed to fail or resolve their own problems grow into adults who fall apart at the first setback.

And guess what? If we want to look long-term at our children's future success, increasingly employers say they aren't necessarily looking for the best student or the one that piles award upon award, but rather those who can show they know how to goof up and recover, how to learn from mistakes and successfully move forward.

Author Bio

Alina Tugend, author of Better By Mistake: The Unexpected Benefits of Being Wrong, has been a journalist for nearly 30 years and for the past six has written the ShortCuts column for the New York Times business section. She has written about education, environmentalism, and consumer culture for numerous publications, including the New York Times, the Los Angeles Times, The Atlantic, and Parents and is a Huffington Post contributor. Alina was awarded the 2011 Best in Business Award for Personal Finance by the Society of American Business Editors and Writers. She lives outside New York City with her husband and their two sons.

For more information please visit http://www.alinatugend.com, read more from Alina on Huffington Post, and follow the author on Facebook and Twitter

Parents of the Week: Dr. And Mrs. Huxtable

2011-06-14T05:00:00.000-07:00

Oh, you didn't think I forgot them, did you? Not a chance. Just waiting for the right moment.

Cliff and Claire Huxtable rocked the mid-late 80's with style, humor, and romance- not to mention raising five children! That family had everything- a kitchen with a swinging door, living room furniture with fancy wooden feet, and even a hunky older brother (Theo) with a cool hairstyle (flat top). Just saying.

Really, though, Cliff and Claire were great parents. Sensitive and loving with clear boundaries. Supporting each other's decisions. Parenting with humor and not taking themselves too seriously. The way Claire would sit down and have a heart to heart with the kids, the way Cliff could make anything not seem so horrible...could you ask for more from parents?

So today we honor the Huxtables. And I leave you with this clip- even though it's not the best method to make your kiddos sit until they finish their veggies, this clip is really cute :)

Quality of Parent-Toddler Relationship Linked with Childhood Obesity

2011-06-13T05:00:00.000-07:00

A recent article suggests that the quality of parent-toddler relationships could affect children's risk for obesity...what?! Sounds crazy, doesn't it? Let me explain.

In this fascinating study, the authors looked at the attachment relationship between parents and children. The attachment relationship is a special bond between parents and children. In short, it's based on the consistency with which you respond to your child- do you comfort her when she's upset? Do you pick him up when those precious arms are reaching for you? Do you snuggle her when she's sick? All of these behaviors foster the attachment relationship and send the following message to your child: "My parent will be there for me when I need her/him." They become securely attached.

Children who get this message are able to rely on their parents as a 'secure base.' That is, they are able to explore their world freely, knowing that mom and dad will be there as a secure base when come back from school/playground/church/upstairs. Sure, there will be a little separation anxiety, but it's always tough separating from your comfort, right?! The important point is that children who are securely attached are able to regulate.

But what happens when children don't become securely attached- when parental responsiveness is negative or inconsistent? Children may respond to environmental stress (going to school/playground/church - anywhere unfamiliar) with greater amounts of anxiety and fear). They could act out aggressively or refuse interaction all together- the classic flight or fight response.

And what the authors of this study find is that the same areas of the brain that control stress response control appetite. In fact, children in the study who were insecurely attached were at a 30% increased risk for obesity, according to their BMI scores. The authors think that appetite control may be just one way children who receive inconsistent parenting respond to this sort of stress.

Interesting, huh?

An Inside Look at Physical Therapy from the Folks at KidsCare Therapy

2011-06-09T09:45:00.000-07:00

KidsCare Therapy is back, for our third and final month to tell you about another great therapy service for children. Thus far we’ve covered occupational and speech therapy, and during the month of June we are going to tell you all about the third discipline we treat –physical therapy. As with the other disciplines, we will start out this month by giving you a general overview of a pediatric physical therapist’s scope of treatment in this post, and then follow it up in a couple of weeks with specific diagnosis, potential warning signs and some treatments. After this month we hope that you will all be well versed as to how to identify a child that may be in need of speech, occupational or physical therapy, as well as how you can help to ensure you keep a child in your life healthy, and on target!

By definition physical therapy is a branch of rehabilitation that uses specifically designed exercises to help patients regain or improve their physical abilities. Physical therapists work with many types of patients from infants all the way through adulthood to assist with that which limits a patients ability to move and perform functional activities as well as they would like in their daily lives. This differs from occupational therapy (which we learned about in April) because physical therapy deals more with large body movements versus the fine use of the hands. Physical therapy is helping mobility and strength, while occupational therapy assists more with the fine motor skills involved with performing each task. While both of these play into one main goal, which is to help ensure a child develops into a fully functioning adult, with all of their motor skills intact– each of these disciplines have different ways of obtaining this goal. A physical therapist would describe “success” as being able to facilitate improvement of functional skills and independence, but also strength, coordination and balance for increased mobility.

When most people think of physical therapy they tend to think of a therapist who helps sports injuries in athletes, adults after surgery, or those who have been in accidents. Most people don’t think about children needing physical therapy as well, but a pediatric physical therapist can treat a wide range of disabilities or delays to help ensure a child continues to thrive. By giving a child the opportunity to continue to grow physically at an early age, it can alleviate problems that may develop later in life, and can facilitate growth, as well as help to development cognitive, speech and fine motor skills.

While pediatric physical therapists do work with children who have broken bones or have been in accidents such as car accidents, falls, or had traumatic injuries, most generally they work with kids to treat delays - whether a child is premature or just having problems developing their balance, range of motion, coordination, strength, body awareness, motor planning, or functional mobility at the same rate as their peers. A pediatric physical therapist can also help bring a child to a more appropriate level in his or her play skills. Often times a child will not be playing not because they don’t want to interact (what child doesn’t want to have fun?) but instead because their body is physically limiting them.

As with occupational therapy, physical therapy is also ideal for the home setting with children. Essentially they are learning how to play and use their mobility skills around the toys and activities that they will be doing on a daily basis at home and in the community. In this familiar environment a child is more likely to grow at a faster rate, and it helps the ability to continue to facilitate therapy with the parents after the therapist has left the home!

Please read below to learn how a child was able to overcome great obstacles with the help of home pediatric physical therapy.

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Joshua is a shining example of how physical therapy can make an impact on the activities of daily life for children with developmental delays.

When the therapist from KidsCare Therapy met him, she was struck by his boisterous yet affectionate personality. Joshua, a three-year-old boy with Down syndrome, was referred to physical therapy for gross motor delays. As with most children with Down syndrome, he exhibited low muscle tone, joint hypermobility, decreased strength and decreased endurance, poor balance and lack of coordination. At his initial evaluation, Joshua was unable to remain standing erect for more than a minute, fell frequently, could not independently ascend the steps outside his apartment, and was unable to kick or catch a ball.

In order to provide Joshua with improved stability, we worked with an orthotist to obtain SureStep orthotics. This company’s orthotics are designed to provide children with low muscle tone more stability through the hindfoot, but flexibility in the forefoot, to allow running and jumping. Joshua has shown significant improvement in gait, balance, and coordination since receiving his orthotics.

Other important components of his therapy have been therapeutic exercise and home exercises for strengthening. His family has played an integral role in working with Joshua on developmentally appropriate activities for strengthening. He has shown gains in strength and core stability through Swiss ball training, sit ups, climbing activities, and the use of a weighted vest. The combination of strength training and equipment ordered through therapy has enabled Joshua to make significant gains in his gross motor skills. He is now able to climb the stairs with stand-by assist, jump off the ground with both feet, kick and catch a ball, run, and play without frequent falls. Joshua’s clear progress has been observed empirically through improvements of standardized testing. His physical therapist states, “I have enjoyed being able to play a role in helping him achieve greater independence and mobility.”

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Be sure to be on the lookout for KidsCare Therapy’s final post where we will cover specific symptoms you can look for in a child to see if they may need physical therapy services, as well as ways that you can help to ensure a child in your life develops their physical skills at a normal pace.

Parent of the Week: Adri

2011-06-07T05:00:00.000-07:00

Today we honor Adri. Adri is A-mazing. She's just full of joy and it comes across in her words and photos. She's also a singer- she wrote a lullaby for her baby girl and gave me permission to print the lyrics!! (They're at the bottom of her post). Okay- enjoy!

REMEMBER: If you’d like to be a Parent of the Week, or if you’d like to nominate someone, simply email me at deluna.jamie@gmail.com. It’s that easy!

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Tell me about your children.

I have two step-sons, Sephiroth (11) and Sebastian (10). Then, there is Serena, better known as "Critter". Critter is 11 months old and walking, practically running. The boys dote on their sister and she lights up when they come into the room. Seph is good with electronics, engineering, robotics. He's a wiz kid as long as he's doing a project that he thought of and not an assignment the teacher gave him. Sebastian is great with writing, video gaming, and make believe. He has such an imagination and writes incredible stories. Serena has been a constant blessing in an often stressful world. She loves to sing, dance, and beat out a rhythm. But, it is the three of them together along with their dad that bring deep joy to my life.

How did you meet your husband? Robert and I were good friends in the youth group at our church. I met him when I was 13 and he was 15. When he turned 18 we went our separate ways. It was in 2003, I was 23 and he was 25, that he came back to that same church and I was there...again. We started dating almost immediately and in 2007 we were married. It hasn't always been an easy road, but with God's help, everything that we have gone through has made our marriage stronger and everyday I love him a little bit more.

I would also like to take a minute to point out that my husband is a stay-at-home dad. He is incredible with Serena. From the moment she was born, he had stars in his eyes. For the first few weeks he was the only one that could calm her down when she got upset, which was rare because she is happy 95% of the time! Most mornings, Robert brings her to me (in bed) and I get to snuggle with her and then feed her and put her back to bed for her morning nap before I have to get ready for work. He knows how important that time is to me. Then, while I’m away, he sings the ABCs with her everyday, reads books with her, gets down on his knees and plays with her in her nursery, keeps her out in the yard while he gardens or straps her on his back when he cleans up around the house, and then spends time with both of us every evening when I get home. He has been with her everyday for the past 11 months and I do believe our family routine has contributed to Serena’s early development.

Tell me a little about you.

I love my family. Not just my kids and my husband, but my extended family as well. I was raised to have a strong sense of connection with my grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins. I try very hard to instill that connection in my kids because it has always been nice to know, through high school and college, work and marriage, and now parenting, that I am never alone.

I also love to sing and write songs. I love Christian rock and country music. Really, I love anything I can sing along with. I wrote a song for Serena before she was born and I sang her that lullaby everyday when she was a part of me. Then after she was born, I wrote her another song. I could probably write a few albums for her, but I think that might just embarrass her too much.

I love to cook and bake. I love my job, working for the local school district. I love praising God and trying to set a good example for my kids. I tear up every time I hear a patriotic song that reminds me of the sacrifices being made on my behalf so that my family can have freedom. And…I over use the exclamation point!!!

What surprised you most about parenting?

How amazing it feels. Even as a step-mom, before Serena came along, I cherished my time with the boys. I love all three of my kids with such intensity, but I’m not a helicopter mom, I promise. I’m actually really tough on them, but I don’t think they have ever questioned whether or not I love them.

What one tip would you give other parents or parents-to-be?

Something I learned from Love & Logic, the number one rule for parents is to take care of yourself. If your child is driving you cookoo, take a time-out and know that it’s totally ok. What your kid just learned is that mommy or daddy cares enough about themselves to take a break and not lose control. Kids learn from what we DO.

This is a lullaby for my baby, you were made just for me and your daddy

God created you to be perfect, it's true, and we love you...just the way you are

Not a day goes by, we're not thankful, for the gift of you, our little baby girl

God created you to be perfect, it's true, and we love you...just the way you are

Just the way you are, is how you always should be, because you're perfect to daddy and me

Yes you're perfect for our family.

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Adri and past Parents of the Week, feel free to grab the award badge:

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CBS 11 clip- Traveling with Kiddos

2011-06-03T05:00:00.000-07:00

Totally forgot to post my CBS 11 Clip from this week! Here it is:

Wow, I look really happy in the still. (I was really happy. I LOVE the people at CBS!)

Question for Parents

2011-06-02T05:00:00.000-07:00

What is your child interested in? How do you support that interest? Could you be doing more?

Parent of the Week: Daddy Warbucks

2011-05-31T05:00:00.000-07:00

I’m always talking about how parents influence children. But as we all know, children influence parents just as much. A great example of this is Little Orphan Annie and Daddy Warbucks. Remember how cold Daddy Warbucks was at first, insisting that he must have a boy orphan come stay with him? But sure enough, in just two short hours- er, several weeks- that cute, red-headed, curly top won over his heart and had him tap dancing on the steps of his mansion (who hasn’t tap danced on the steps of their mansion?) while fireworks spelled out her name in the sky. I’ll have you know that, as a child, I thought fireworks spelling was a real possibility for years. Every Fourth of July I waited for the show to end with the spelling of something in the sky, only to be disappointed. Thanks a lot, Annie.

But I digress.

The point is, children influence you, parents. Think about it. You’re probably a lot more patient than you used to be. Probably a lot more selfless, too. You probably laugh more, sing more, and snuggle more. All good things :) I bet that, if you sat down and made a list of all the things your children have taught you, you'd still be writing hours from now. Leapin' Lizards!

Annie taught Daddy Warbucks that life isn’t about money, business, or politics. It’s about people, relationships, and attitude. And also singing and dancing. But what’s important is that Daddy Warbucks was open enough to receive Annie and what she taught him. So today we honor you, Daddy Warbucks. You wore bald and bowties well, and though we cringed a little when you first sang a bar in ‘Tomorrow,’ we were totally with you by ‘I Don’t Need Anything But You.’

Summertime Travel Tips

2011-05-30T05:00:00.000-07:00

Summer’s here and for many families, that means travel. Whether by plane, train, or automobile, your child is bound to get bored at some point in the trip. While it’s so tempting to hand your little one the iPhone press play on the laptop for two hours of peace thanks to a movie, the truth is, you could be using this time to 1. Connect with your child and 2. Help him or her learn. Here are some ideas on just how to do that and I’ll give you a hint: remember when we were kids? Yes, the days before technology...

1. Play ‘I Spy’ – Perfect for waiting on the airplane before it takes off, ‘I Spy’ challenges children to be observant and use a critical eye. Use different variations like colors, numbers or shapes (“I spy with my little eye something with three circles”), or letters (“I spy something with an S in the name of it”).

2. License Plate Game – This game is perfect for long road trips and can be done over a period of days (or weeks!). Try and find as many different license plates as you can. Can you find all the states? How many countries? Be careful, it can become an obsession...

3. Alphabet Game – Remember this one? Perfect for a kiddo just learning to read, one person finds ‘A’ somewhere (a sign, a license plate, etc.), the next person finds ‘B,’ and so on...

4. Alphabet Vacation – This game can be played anywhere! One person starts by saying, “I’m going [camping, to the beach, insert destination here] and I’m taking Apples!” The next person must name something that starts with a B, ad so on. For a twist, try playing with numbers (...and I’m taking 1 Apple!).

5. Give your child a map of where you’re going. Circle your hotel and other exciting destinations. Teach your child the basics of map reading (North, South, East, West, map key, etc.).

6. Air sick Bags make great puppets! Turn it over and draw a face on the bottom square part (that would serve as the seat of the bag), using the fold as the mouth!

7. Talk. When you’re in the car for a long time, that’s exactly what you have- time. What better way to connect with your children than to talk with them? Need some tips?

A few extra tips:

Let your child pack his or her own small bag of activities. This will help keep him occupied and help him feel like he had a say in travel plans!
Pack plenty of snacks
Make expectations clear before you leave. Give frequent, kind reminders. (“Remember, planes are for inside voices. Let’s practice.”)
Don’t forget:

Hand sanitizer
Sunscreen
Patience

Speech and Your Child - Tips from KidsCare Therapy

2011-05-26T05:00:00.000-07:00

Welcome to summer time in North Texas (and everywhere!) from all of us here at KidsCare Therapy! We are excited to be back this week to further honor Better Hearing and Speech month. In our last post you learned all about speech therapy, including what they do and the symptoms they treat. This week we will focus on some of the potential warning signs for delay, as well as offer up some tips that can help to ensure a child in your life continues to develop their speech skills on target.

While many of the patients that a speech therapist treats will have diagnosis such as ADD/ADHD, autism, and developmental delays – generally speaking they will be treating a list of symptoms that happen to coincide with these diagnoses, not the diagnoses themselves. As you learned in our last post these symptoms can range from speech or language delays to articulation or dysphagia.

So by now you may be asking, “How can I tell if a child in my life needs speech therapy services?” For receptive language problems (problems pertaining to how a patient processes and understands communication) it is important to see if the child can follow directions that are given, and to make sure they are comprehending questions they are asked. If they look or seem confused when you speak to them it could be a sign that they are not processing the communication.

If a child is not using words, or is unable to communicate their needs, then they most likely have an expressive language delay (which pertains to what they are able to say or how they use language to communicate). While the level of communication will differ with age, look to see if the child is able to express their needs. Even a baby will squeal or cry to get a desired response. Please see our developmental delay chart for specific milestones that a child should be achieving at each age.

So, what are some things you can do to keep a child on par with developmental milestones related to their speech? Well, constantly communicating with the child is perhaps the greatest contribution to their thriving. Talk through each activity you do, and ensure the child tries to communicate in order to request their needs. Reading to a child, or having them read, is also another great way to continue development. When reading, it is helpful to ask the child questions as you turn each page to ensure there is comprehension (or that the receptive language is being developed). Using pictures is also a great way to have kids associate and learn words.

Having regular well checks for your child is a great way to ensure they do not fall behind because of speech, occupational or physical delays. In addition, if you are in doubt about whether a child has any of these symptoms, it is always a good idea to consult your physician regarding potential problems and have them evaluated.

In the following success story you will see how, with the help of a special new device and speech therapy, a child was able to communicate with her family for the first time.

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When Lindsey was five months old, she was diagnosed with Arthrogryposis Multiplex Congenita (AMC), a condition that limits mobility in nearly every joint and muscle in the body, as well as affected her tongue, eyes, spine, limbs, and mind. There have been over 400 types of AMC diagnosed; unfortunately, Lindsey has one of the most severe cases.

Due to this disease Lindsay had a hard time communicating with her family and the outside world for the better part of her life. Soon after beginning speech therapy three years ago, Lindsay was given a Dynavox®—a device that allows users to point to various pictures on a screen, and the device then speaks the word describing the chosen picture. Due to her limited mobility, Lindsey operates her Dynavox® by “headgaze”—a dot on her glasses that operates the mouse on the Dynavox® screen. Combined with speech therapy, this device has allowed patients like Lindsey to develop their communication skills beyond what would have ever been possible before.

When Lindsey started speech therapy a little over a year ago, she was unable to say any words at all. Communication with her family was essentially nonexistent—with little hope of any accelerated progress. While using the device took some time to get used to, coupled with speech therapy she was slowly able to learn the words associated with each picture, as well as pick up on how the device operates.

Lindsey has developed tremendously over the past three years. Starting with simply saying “Hi Lindsey”, she is now able to carry on conversations via the device. She puts sentences together and is able to think about the answers to questions asked of her. She also actively participates in the classroom—which has proven to even further enhance her progress. Her Dynavox® enabled her to overcome her articulation problem, and because of this she has been able to advance her receptive and expressive language through speech therapy. She has gained the ability to cognitively understand what each word means and how they can be structured together. This device and speech therapy has allowed Lindsey the independence to interact with the world, continue to grow, and thrive.

These days Lindsey is able to experience an entirely new world and her family is so grateful for the ability to communicate with their daughter. Her mother is now better able to understand Lindsey’s wants and needs, both personal and medical, and develop an even stronger relationship with her. “The possibilities are endless for Miss Lindsey. It is a blessing each day to be able to communicate so clearly with my daughter—the same daughter for whose future doctors painted such a grim picture,” says Lindsey’s mom.

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Be sure to stay tuned for next month’s feature on our last discipline – physical therapy!

Parent of the Week: Katy

2011-05-24T05:00:00.000-07:00

I'm so excited to present Katy to you! First of all, she sounds like soooo much fun. Second of all, she bakes. She also dances. See why I love her?! Okay- I'll let her tell you the rest...

REMEMBER: If you’d like to be a Parent of the Week, or if you’d like to nominate someone, simply email me at deluna.jamie@gmail.com. It’s that easy!

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Tell me a little about you.

My name is Katy and I'm a wife and a mom. I work a few jobs, one PT job outside of the home, one PT job from home and, most recently, starting my own business, Fresh Life Foods. I love to bake, and I bake everything from scratch. It might actually be the sampling of what I bake that enjoy a little more than the act of baking, but either way, my new business has allowed me to turn my hobby into a career. I also like to read, sew and play disc golf. I love, love, love to dance, so dancing in the car is a must for me.

Tell me about your children.

I have two children, one girl who is 5 years old, and one boy who is 5 months. They are both so funny and loving. My daughter is such a great big sister and loves helping me with her little brother. My daughter's favorite activities are singing, dancing and playing outside. My son likes eating, sleeping and chewing on toys at the moment.

What surprised you most about parenting?

How much I love these little guys. You hear it all the time, but it is just so amazing how you can have so much love for them.

How have you had to be Avant Garde as a parent?

I'm not sure if I've been Avant Garde, I just try to do what I feel is best for my kids. I always try to be available for whatever they need- a listener, a playmate, or just someone to cuddle with. When I read the book, Simplicity Parenting, it really changed the way I handle our day to day activities. I have reduced the number of toys, scheduled activities and adult conversations. We've slowed down so that they can be kids, use their imaginations, relax. We try to get out into nature as much as possible each day, whether it be right outside our door, at a park, in an open field, or a bike ride through the neighborhood. Nature is cathartic and it encourages my daughter to use her imagination and problem-solving skills. I try to give her appropriate freedom and responsibility when she plays outside, I think it builds her self-esteem. I strayed away from trying to teach "school" at home and allowed my daughter's natural learning tendencies and desires to lead the way to learning. I am amazed how she has picked up on learning everything from simple reading, math and science just through daily activities. She starts school in August and is so excited. I try keep their personalities in mind when we do things. Even though my son is only 5 months, I can already see the personality differences between the two. All in all, I just try to keep their childhood fun and care-free.

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Katy and past Parents of the Week, feel free to grab the award badge:

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Teaching Children Self-Compassion

2011-05-23T05:00:00.000-07:00

Self-compassion sounds a little cheesy, but it’s pretty simple. It has to do with acknowledging your own feelings and helps you relate to the feelings of others. There are three parts: mindfulness, or the actual acknowledgement of your feelings- realizing they’re there, common humanity, realizing that, others, too, go through difficult emotions and finding support and strength in numbers, and being kind to yourself and others in an effort to reduce further hardships.

Researchers look at self-compassion as a sort of middle ground between the type of ‘tiger mom’ parenting you may have read about, where children’s self-esteem and approval from parents is based solely upon whether they succeed at certain accomplishments, say, playing a piano piece perfectly from start to finish, and the type of parenting where self-esteem is doled out in the form of ‘everyone gets a trophy. For everything. All the time.’ You can imagine that, in the first instance, children may be made to feel that they are never good enough, and in the latter, that they are always the best. This could be problematic for a number of reasons, but namely because children are taught that self-worth hinges upon performance and how they stack up compared with other children. How stressful!

In contrast, self-compassion teaches children to relate to themselves and other people. In fact, researchers find that encouraging children to be self-compassionate gives them the same benefits of self-esteem- it makes them feel confident and courageous, but it doesn’t produce the negative aspects, such as narcissism.

How can parents help children become self-compassionate? Like many things in life, self-compassion researchers suggest modeling this skill in your own life. Showing children that, when things don’t always turn up roses, it’s okay to be sad/angry/frustrated teaches them that negative emotions are real. Providing a quick fix of ‘Oh it’s okay- don’t be sad’ may fix the problem immediately, but it’s really just covering up negative emotions that need to happen.

Parents can also help children work through negative emotions by helping them become aware of common humanity- that other children go through similar negative emotions. This shows children that their experiences are normal and common, and will help children relate to their peers more confidently.

For more information on becoming self-compassionate in your own life, visit researcher Krisitn Neff’s site here.

Parenting Quick Tip: Connecting During Frustration

2011-05-19T06:00:00.000-07:00

When your child is frustrated, it can be equally frustrating for you, especially if you have a young preschooler who can't yet express everything he needs and wants. Your first reaction may be avoidance- to turn away and let your child figure it on on his own. Or, you may enter into a frustration battle with your child that ends up with both of you melting down.

Next time, try connecting with your child by saying this: How can I help you right now? It will challenge her to use her words and think through her emotions, why she's frustrated, and what she needs in the situation. And it will help you connect with your child in a way that will be meaningful and work through the frustration more quickly :)

Parent of the Week: Jenn

2011-05-17T05:00:00.000-07:00

You all will love Jenn- I do! Why? I'll give you three reasons: 1. She's a Texan (I don't know if she's actually from here, but she lives here, so that counts) **UPDATE** She is ALL Texan. Read her comment below. I think she's more Texan than Big Tex. 2. She's got such an adventurous spirit and tries fun things you always wanted to but never would/did and 3. She posts the most precious photos of her most precious family on her blog. I could think of eleventy bajillion more reasons why you will love Jenn, but I'll just let you read for yourself...

REMEMBER: If you’d like to be a Parent of the Week, or if you’d like to nominate someone, simply email me at deluna.jamie@gmail.com. It’s that easy!

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Tell me a little about yourself.

My name is Jennifer... I go by Jenn... call me Jenny and I'll... well I don't know what I'll do but it won't be pretty. I met my husband 20 years ago and we've been married for 16 years of that time. We weren't ready to have kids right away so we waited until we had 10 years of marriage under our belt before we took the plunge. We now have two daughters ages 6 and 3.

In a past life I majored in Anthropology only to find that a liberal arts degree doesn't really guarantee you'll find work. So I worked in several different fields looking for the right job. I worked for a veterinarian, a catering company, a group home for people with disabilities, and a university library just to name a few... Finally I got sick of it all, and my husband and I sold everything and moved to Mexico to teach English. We managed to pay the bills there for about a year and a half. We lived off our savings and a salary of pesos before we had to move back. Once we returned I think that we finally decided that we were grown up enough to have a family. I've been a stay at home mom since my my first daughter was born and even though some days I want to go back to work outside the home I know that this is truly the most rewarding job I can have at the moment.

Hobbies?

As far as hobbies go I have many: cooking, knitting, crocheting, just about anything outdoors (except maybe bungee jumping or cliff diving), basket weaving, playing guitar, and song writing. I currently write two blogs... one called worth a fig (where I share recipes and write about foodlore) and worth a knit (where I write about my knitting and other crafts).

Do you dance in the car?

I don't dance in the car because my two left feet would probably get me into a terrible accident.. but I do sing in the car. I sing loudly and I even sing with the windows down.

Tell me about your children.

My older daughter love sports and science. She's a bit of a tomboy who love getting dirty and building things out of stuff she digs out of the recycling bin. Hopefully she'll use her mad scientist skills for good and not for evil. She is constantly inventing things and her creativity amazes me. She is an excellent swimmer and if I didn't know better I would swear that she is part fish.

My younger daughter loves anything princess, but that doesn't mean that she isn't strong and tough. You are likely to see her impeccably dressed in a tutu with a matching handbag digging up worms in the backyard or hunting for snakes with her sister. She likes to dance and read books with her family. She also has an excellent sense of humor. At only 3 years of age she can tell a joke with excellent comedic timing. Her favorite at the moment is “what time is it when an elephant sits on your gate?.... Time to get a new gate!” I still laugh almost every time she tells it.

Both of my kids are loud, silly, and full of spirit. They are a handful, but I wouldn't trade them for the world.

What surprised you most about parenting?

I was surprised by how difficult it was to find a balance between structure and flexibility. At first I wanted to just go about my business as usual. I didn't want to give up my freedom. When my first daughter was born I was very lax about bedtime. After a lot of struggling, however, I began to believe that a set bedtime and a routine leading up to bedtime is really important and I discovered it would ultimately give me more freedom. Sometimes, however, there are going to be meteor showers that are begging to be seen, movies in the park, or family swim nights at the pool that keep them up past bedtime. In all things you just have to find balance.

Another thing that surprised me about parenting was how tricky it was to rediscover my identity. Being a mom sucked (me in). It was hard not to just give in and live life just for the kids... but I'd find myself pulling my hair out It wasn't good for me, my husband, or my kids. Being a mom is a big part of who I am... but it is not all that I am. Luckily I'm blessed with a family that is there to help me find time when I need it. I also have a supportive husband that gives me the night off at least once a week and I do the same for him.

How have you had to be Avant Garde as a parent?

For me being a parent is a lot like cooking...Sure I started out with a recipe, but I don't follow it anymore. Sometimes I don't have all the ingredients or maybe there is just something really special that I want to throw in. Even my tried and true recipes don't taste the same every time I make them and some of my experimental recipes are less than delicious. But I try to keep it edible and I try to keep it fresh.

I love being a mom even more than I love cooking and despite the frustrations and occasional disasters everything I do with my daughters is done in love and I think that is the main ingredient in all my parenting dishes.

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Jenn and past Parents of the Week, feel free to grab the award badge:

CBS 11 clip- Kids and Sharing

2011-05-16T17:29:00.000-07:00

Remember last week when I posted about helping children learn to share- and I goofed and mixed up my CBS 11 topics? Well I talked about sharing on CBS 11 today. And here it is!

An Inside Look at Speech Therapy from the Folks at KidsCare Therapy

2011-05-12T05:00:00.000-07:00

In May, KidsCare Therapy continues to celebrate our amazing therapists by partnering with Avant Garde Parenting for Better Hearing and Speech Month! Over the coming weeks, we’ll be featuring—you guessed it—speech therapy services. You’ll learn about a speech therapist’s scope of treatment and the various ways they help children overcome a wide range of developmental delays. By the end of the month, we hope you are equipped with the tools to identify a child that could benefit from speech therapy services.

Just as with occupational therapy, speech therapy’s scope of treatment is very broad and contains some surprises. As their title suggests, speech therapists treat speech and language disorders. What might surprise you is that speech therapists also treat feeding and swallowing disorders, called “dysphagia”. This is the same for both adult and pediatric patients, although the focus of treatment will likely vary. Speech therapy in adults is typically more rehabilitation-based, where as pediatric patients are typically learning skills for the first time.

As in occupational therapy, the goal is to help children develop into fully-functioning independent adults by developing necessary life skills—in this case, communication and feeding skills. By giving a child effective communication skills, he or she is able to express their needs and wants, especially those that are medical. Feeding skills are vital in allowing a child to gain nutrition for appropriate weight gain and growth.

It’s important to understand the difference between speech and language. Speech is literally how words are said. Children with speech disorders have trouble with the physical act of speaking. They might substitute sounds (“tat” for “cat”), leave sounds out (“ca” instead of “cat”), stutter (“c-c-cat” for “cat”), or simply say sounds incorrectly (“wat” for “rat”). The causes of speech disorders are wide-spread and vary from child to child; regardless, early intervention is key to ensure proper development in all other areas of a child’s life.

A language disorder is a disruption in comprehending the meaning of what is being said or in how an individual expresses their thoughts or needs. An individual with a language disorder has trouble with processing the meaning of words, difficulty with the social skills that accompany communication, the grammatical structure of their thoughts, and rules of language. This individual’s brain’s ability to process language is delayed. Remember: speech is HOW you say it, language is WHAT you say.

Play is commonly used as a tool toward developing language and cognitive skills. Games, puzzles and other interactive activities are used to encourage better communication. Feeding and swallowing disorders address issues with the physical act of eating (chewing, sucking, drinking, tongue movement, muscle weakness), food aversion (reflux, constipation, food allergies, behavioral issues), sensory issues (hypersensitivity of the mouth, excessive gagging, avoidance of food groups) and dysphagia (difficulty or the inability to swallow as the result of a injury to related parts of the brain). Dysphagia can lead to malnutrition, weight loss, dehydration, choking, and even death. Sometimes the treatment is as simple as introducing a thickening agent or modifying the diet, but can also be as complex as having a feeding tube surgically inserted. In some cases, physical and occupational therapy services are also administered. Consider the following success story, where a KidsCare Therapy patient received VitalStim® to overcome a feeding disorder.

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When Samantha was born, she was given a rare diagnosis of VATER syndrome, a non-random association of birth defects caused by unknown genes or sets of genes. VATER syndrome can cause neurological disorders, which resulted in difficulty swallowing for Samantha. When she would try to eat, she would choke, and food would get into her lungs. This would cause pneumonia, which was especially dangerous in her already fragile condition.

Samantha’s doctor had recommended surgery in order to place a gastronomy tube (g-tube), but wanted to try speech therapy first. He knew that speech therapists treat feeding and swallowing disorders, thereby circumventing the need for a g-tube. While a g-tube can be a wonderful device in cases of dysphagia and other severe feeding and swallowing disorders, transitioning away from it once it is no longer needed is a long and difficult process for children. Therefore, her parents were willing to try and avoid it if at all possible.

Samantha was a perfect candidate for a therapy called Neuromuscular Electrical Stimulation (NMES), a new treatment approved by the FDA that applies an electrical current to the muscles of the neck to improve swallowing function. KidsCare Therapy had a speech therapist trained and certified in VitalStim® for the application of NMES. Samantha underwent treatments of VitalStim®, and over time, the need to thicken her formula began to decrease until she needed no thickener at all. She steadily gained weight and her lungs were clear. Samantha eventually transitioned to Gerber Stage One foods and soon became a healthy little girl with an insatiable appetite for carrots and bananas—who no longer needed VitalStim© services.

Because Samantha was able to receive services in the home, she wasn’t exposed to additional health threats that come from repeatedly leaving the house and traveling to a clinic. She was also able to develop good eating habits in the home, where she would be eating the majority of her meals in the future. Most importantly, she never had to use a g-tube which would have required a costly medical procedure, equipment, and treatment to transition away from it once it became unnecessary.

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In our next posting, we’ll talk about some of the conditions a speech therapist commonly sees and developmental red flags of which you should be aware. In addition, our in-office speech therapists will be chiming in with some of their tips for continued speech, language, and feeding development. And of course, we’ll be bringing you another success story from KidsCare Therapy; this one will be about how a child was finally able to communicate with her parents thanks to speech therapy services and a high-tech device. We hope you’ll check back to continue celebrating Better Hearing and Speech Month with us!

For more information about VATER syndrome, please visit http://www.cincinnatichildrens.org/health/heart-encyclopedia/disease/syndrome/vacterl.htm

Parent of the Week: Carol Brady

2011-05-10T05:00:00.000-07:00

REMEMBER: If you’d like to be a Parent of the Week, or if you’d like to nominate someone, simply email me at deluna.jamie@gmail.com. It’s that easy!

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Today’s Parent of the Week is dedicated to a TV mom I grew up with: Carol Brady. Carol Brady always knew what to do when there was trouble- whether it was a fight brewing between her six children, a problem at school, or just a silly misunderstanding. And that woman could always wrap it up in 30 minutes or less. I don’t know how she did it.

But let’s talk more important things for a minute- her hair. Was it short? Was it long? I don’t know, but it was awesome. It framed her mom face perfectly and I’ll tell you what- even as a child watching in the 80’s (waaaay past the prime of the Brady’s), I tried the flippy-outy at the bottom. Yes, I did.

Even though Carol Brady didn’t cook, clean, do laundry, or corral the kids for dinner (“Aaaaalice!!!!”), she did teach us something that can be really tough sometimes: the importance of co-parenting. She always supported Mike Brady (to a suspicious level, anyone? Just saying...) and they really parented their children together. Remember those scenes of the two of them sitting in their bed, reading and talking about the children? That’s important. Deciding things together, presenting a united front to your children is important, and Mike and Carol Brady really did this well. And she looked good doing it!

CBS 11 Clip- Fighting with Your Teen

2011-05-09T18:26:00.000-07:00

Though this blog is geared toward preschoolers, get ready, because preschoolers because preschoolers grow up to be teenagers! So today I mixed it up a bit today on CBS 11 and talked about fighting with teenagers- enjoy!

Helping Children Learn to Share

2011-05-09T09:00:00.000-07:00

**UPDATE: Whoops! I goofed on dates and actually talked about fighting with your teenagers today on CBS 11. I promise that, when I do talk about sharing, I'll post the clip :)

Be sure to check back later tonight for my CBS 11 clip on this topic!

Is your child good at sharing? No? Well, get with the program, because your preschooler should be a sharing pro.

KIDDING.

The truth is that preschoolers just aren’t good at sharing. We all know this. What’s interesting is that, even when children know that they should share, they still have a really hard time doing it. You know this as parents, but the research supports it, too. In fact, one study found that 100% of 6-12 year olds know that not sharing is wrong and another study found that even preschoolers know that a pile of candy should be split evenly between two people...but kids still have trouble sharing!

Why? The research jury is still out, but it’s likely that desire is so strong at young ages that it trumps everything else. Very young children just have a lot of trouble overriding the desire for a toy (or a sticker, or a treat, or what have you) in order to share with someone else.

Got it. I know what you’re thinking. This does not help me in the throws of preschooler play date meltdown when my child is screaming because I am ‘helping’ him share his toys with his friend.

So what can you do as a parent to help you child learn to share? Some research suggests that how you act may influence your kids more than you think!

Recent research suggests that parents may have quite a bit of influence over teaching children sharing skills- from simply modeling sharing themselves! Preliminary studies from researchers at Harvard University suggest that, when children see their parents being generous to others, young children follow suite – they are more generous with a resource (like stickers) than when they see parents being stingy to others. For older children, however, parents modeling stinginess seems to make an impact on children. That is, older children who see their parent being stingy with a resource are more likely to be stingy in turn. These results are only preliminary, but interesting, huh?

What does this mean for parents and teaching kids to share? Well, kids really are watching what you do! Model generosity in your everyday life- and add dialogue with your child so that she knows why being generous and sharing is a good thing. Here are a few other things you can do to encourage your child to share:

Model sharing with your child as you play, spelling it out explicitly. Try something like this: “Oh! I just realized I’ve been coloring with the blue crayon for a while now without sharing! Would you like a turn now? I’m happy to share it with you.”
Notice when your child does share. Ask him questions about his behavior. Try it like this: “I noticed how kindly you shared your Legos with your brother today. What made you decide to do that?”
Talk about how sharing makes your child and others feel. Try something like this: “Sharing is kind and makes people feel good. How did you feel when your sister shared her ice cream with you yesterday?”

References and additional information:

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/evolved-primate/201002/sharing-among-children

Killen, M. (1990). Children's evaluations of morality in the context of peer, teacher-child, and familial relations. Journal of Genetic Psychology, 151, 395-410.

Parenting Quick Challenge: Live in the Moment

2011-05-05T05:00:00.000-07:00

One thing I admire about young children is their ability to live in the moment. They play freely, without worry of what the next day or even hour will bring. What a free feeling that must be!

source

I’ll be the first to admit that I have trouble living in the moment. I’m a planner. A worrier and a planner. Those qualities have their advantages- I’m rarely late, I almost never forget things, and I’m usually prepared for anything. However, I also wake up many a night- and lie awake- thinking about what I need to do the next day. Not because I have a big meeting or presentation, just because I’m afraid I’ll forget something or not be completely prepared. I toil over details and worry about others far more than I should or probably need to.

So here’s the challenge: watch your child today, just for a few minutes, and remind yourself how to live in the moment. Today is all that is guaranteed and perhaps, by taking in the now, children are a bit smarter than adults :) Take a lesson from your child today.

Parent of the Week: Helen

2011-05-03T05:00:00.000-07:00

This week's parent of the week is Helen- a delightful, funny, down-to-earth mom of a precious adorable 4-year-old boy. You will love reading about her adventures and perusing her cute photos. Enjoy!

REMEMBER: If you’d like to be a Parent of the Week, or if you’d like to nominate someone, simply email me at deluna.jamie@gmail.com. It’s that easy!

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Tell me a little about you- Who are you? What do you do? Hobbies? Do you dance in the car?

I'm Helen and I'm pretty sure it'd be easier to tell you what I don't do than to tell you what I do do. I have a culinary degree, but I gave up the dream of being a pastry chef when I realized the hours I'd have to put in - on my feet. ha! Now my degree is put to use packing lunches & making family dinners.

I do work outside the home still, at a desk job though. I also run a jewelry business with my sister (Pink Fish Designs) and a local park blog (DFW Parks & Playgrounds). In my free time (haha!) I enjoy running & off-road cycling. I also try to spend as much time as possible with my crazy son & my amazing husband of 9 years.

Oh, and I totally dance (and sing, terribly off-key) in the car.

Tell me a little about your child.

I have one full-throttle, non-stop, spirited, loving, hilarious son, who will be 4 in July. He is a morning person for sure - he literally bounces out of the bed early in the morning, talking non-stop. He usually doesn't stop talking or moving until he falls asleep - sometimes not even then! He loves to be the center of attention & if we're in a crowded room he'll ask me "how can I make all these people laugh?". He is super smart (of course!) and comes up with random questions likes "do they play a lot of tennis in Tennessee?". He is currently obsessed with jellyfish, electric eels, Legos, Scooby Doo, & Transformers. He also loves to tell stories, read books, go "adventuring" & climb on any & everything he can find.

What surprised you most about parenting?

I had no idea it was so. stinking. hard! I want to go back to all the people I made ugly faces at in the store [pre-kid] and apologize! I guess I naively believed I'd say jump & my child would say "how high mommy?". It's also more exhausting than I ever imagined.

The best part though, is that I really never thought it would be so much fun! I can't even remember what life was like before he was around. I have no idea what I used to do with all that free time I had, and I can't imagine it was as much fun as now. Seeing the world through the eyes of a young child is such an amazing & fun experience.

Parenting is such a roller coaster, and when we have a really rough day I always try to remind myself that it's just the uphill pull, and we'll be flying downhill & laughing it off together soon enough.

How have you had to be Avant Garde as a parent?

Having a "spirited" & very strong willed child has made me come up with all kinds of crazy, innovative things, just to survive each day. The biggest battle has always been getting my son to sleep through the night & then to sleep in his own room. We did recently win that battle though (well over 3.5 years into his life!). How? I called Legoland & asked them to send him a brochure. Once he got it, I told him he could earn a trip there if he would sleep in his room all night, until his special clock turned green. It worked, and, it's still working a few months later. Legoland is apparently a great motivator.

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Helen and past Parents of the Week, feel free to grab the award badge:

CBS 11 Clip - Handling Unwanted Parenting Advice

2011-05-02T05:00:00.000-07:00

Just wanted to share my CBS 11 clip from Friday on handling unwanted parenting advice from others...everyone has gotten it at one time or another! Enjoy!

First Time Books Giveaway

2011-04-29T05:26:00.000-07:00

Have you clicked the 'giveaway' tab lately? You might want to...we've got a doozy of a giveaway going right now from First Time Books. And it's for EVERYONE- you don't have to do a thing to win!

Occupational Therapy: Proactive Parenting Tips and An Autism Success Story!

2011-04-28T05:00:00.000-07:00

A hot and humid “Howdy!” from KidsCare Therapy in Dallas/Fort Worth, where the temperatures are getting higher and higher! In our last post you learned all about pediatric occupational therapy—why and how an occupational therapist helps children. This week, we are going to review some of the things an occupational therapist regularly sees when treating patients. We will also let you know about some of the most important developmental milestones your child should be reaching and at what age these milestones occur. You’ll also learn a few tips from our in-house OT clinical manager that you can use to ensure that your child continues to develop and thrive on target! And, of course, we’ll have another inspiring success story where you can see the real-life benefits of home health services.

As you know, an occupational therapist treats a wide array of conditions—everything from sensory processing disorder to autism. As a review, below are some of the more common conditions treated by an OT:

Developmental delays
Cerebral Palsy and other neurologic disorders
Autism and other spectrum disorders
Down Syndrome and other genetic disorders
ADD/ADHD and learning disabilities

Some cases requiring OT services may not be as severe, but the following behaviors can all be red flags indicating an issue that OT would potentially address:

Stiff movements, keeping hands closed, difficulty reaching for toys or movements, appears very “floppy”
Uses one arm or leg or uses one side of the body significantly more than the other
Considered significantly behind peers in play skills and social interactions
Attention and behavioral difficulties which interfere with the child participating in daily routines
Unusual reactions to:
Touch (overly sensitive or touches everything)
Movement (on the go, can't sit still or fearful of movement/feet off the ground)
Sound (covers ears to everyday sounds or talks loudly/makes excessive noise frequently)
Visual inputs (covers eyes to light or significant interest in spinning objects or patterns)
Smell (smells everything or is easily distracted by everyday smells)
Tastes (picky eater, only eats certain textures of foods or overstuffs mouth, puts everything in mouth after 2 years of age)

While not all children exhibiting these symptoms are candidates for occupational therapy, these are some of the indicators of issues that are treatable with OT services. To supplement, KidsCare Therapy’s clinical managers have composed a chart for parents to gauge whether their child is developing at a normal pace. This resource is divided by ages and skills. For instance, the parent of a nine-month-old can easily see if their child has mastered feeding, self-care, speech, social, play, fine motor and gross motor skills typical of a child their age. You can access the chart here. Again, development varies tremendously with each child. These are broad guidelines for child development, but they can be helpful in understanding what to expect.

So how can you, as a parent, ensure that your child continues to develop at a reasonable rate? Here are a few activities that you can administer to promote development:

Tummy time early with supervision to help strengthen trunk, arms, neck, and vision
Play—provide a variety of toys to reach for, shake, bang together, pull apart, connect, put in/take out, stack or build, open/close, or otherwise manipulate
Sensory experiences—try water or sand play, Play-Doh, finger paint, food play; play outside on a swingset, at the park or playground; use play objects with a variety of textures, sounds, lights, vibration
Visual-motor tasks—drawing/writing using a variety of tools (crayons, markers, chalk, colored pencils, vibrating pen), a variety of puzzles (knob, peg, form-fit, jigsaw puzzles simple to hard), arts & crafts projects
Self-care skills—play dress-up with parent or sibling clothing or costumes; practice using spoon and fork during play activities, brush teeth, hair, wash/dry hands at the mirror; allow the child to try all tasks first before doing for them and give lots of praise for all attempts at independence
Provide structure and predictability in daily routines, build opportunities for social play through turn-taking, sharing, and modeling appropriate play through play dates and sibling interactions.

April is not only National Occupational Therapy Month, but also National Autism Awareness Month. We are excited to share a success story about one of our patients that incorporates both!

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Nate began home health occupational therapy services at two years of age. He has a diagnosis of moderate autism. At evaluation, he presented with sensory-seeking behaviors (in constant motion running back and forth, climbing on furniture, up counters and on the table, placing non-food objects in his mouth, flapping hands, humming and grinding his teeth). He made sounds, but did not use intelligible words. He was easily frustrated, aggressive and throwing tantrums when unable to communicate and get his wants or needs met. He had delayed play skills—using repetitive play only, such as picking up and dropping items over and over. He used limited eye contact, had no interest in social interaction, and appeared aloof and unaware of people and objects in his environment.

Occupational therapy intervention has included:

Engaging him in daily sensory activities to increase his attention, social interaction, and participation in play and self-care skills
Practice of fine motor and visual-motor skills with a variety of play activities starting with cause and effect toys and progressing to more challenging manipulation of objects, use of play tools and drawing tasks
Practice with self-care skills including dressing and feeding tasks with physical and verbal prompts, and modeling of how to complete tasks
Changes in the environment and use of visual supports such as utilizing a booster seat to cue the child of where and when to sit
Use of picture cards to provide the child with the steps to do a task and the ability to make choices

After one year of treatment, Nate has made progress and will continue to do so with skilled occupational therapy intervention, caregiver education, home programming, and coordination of services with his speech therapist. He is now calmer and able to sit for table-top activities for up to 30 minutes, following structured movement and heavy work activities. He can engage in a variety of play skills, point to pictures appropriately, complete puzzles, finger feed himself and drink from an open cup. He can follow a photo card sequence, with assistance, for improved dressing skills. He gestures and attempts to make sounds to communicate. He uses increased eye contact, recovers more easily when frustrated, and responds positively to the use of reinforcers. He also now attends a Preschool Program for Children with Disabilities, which provides a structured learning environment and more opportunity for social interaction with peers. Nate will benefit from continued occupational therapy services to improve his overall functional skills and to further facilitate his progress towards goals and the achievement of age-expected developmental skills.

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Be sure to check back in May, when we’ll be celebrating Better Speech and Hearing Month with a feature on speech therapy!

Parent of the Week: Mama Bear

2011-04-26T05:00:00.000-07:00

Today we honor the mother we all try to be. The mother who has the perfect lesson for every situation. The mother whose hat always matches her dress (and who always finds time to put on a neatly pressed dress!). The mother who, despite the stress of raising a family of bears, never seems to age a day. I think it's the fur.

Today we honor Mama Bear Berenstain, wearer of blue (and she does wear it well, doesn't she?!).

Mama Bear is the wife of Papa Bear and mom to Brother Bear, Sister Bear, and Honey Bear. But she's so much more than that! She's the moral compass of the family, encouraging her children to count their blessings when they become too fixated on how many Bearbie Dolls and video games they have.

Mama Bear is involved in the community, too! She's the president of the Bear Country Garden Club and champion quilter. In fact, she's even turned her quilting hobby into a business- can you say super-bear-mom?!

Since 1974, The Berenstain Bears have inspired families to be respectful, honorable, and good citizens- in large part thanks to Mama Bear. Now doesn't that just make you want to give her a great big bear hug?

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Unsolicited Mommy Advice: How to Deal

2011-04-25T05:00:00.000-07:00

**Update: Due to severe weather in Texas, I'll be on CBS 11 this Friday talking about unsolicited mommy advice, not today :) I'll post the clip then!

Be sure to check back later tonight for my CBS 11 clip on this topic!

Today I'm reposting one of my most read/searched/commented on posts- getting unsolicited mommy advice from others and how to handle it. Enjoy!

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You’ve all gotten it.

‘She still uses a pacifier?’ accompanied with raised eyebrows and a glance downward.

‘He sure is…active. My boys were not allowed to run around the store or else we left.’

‘You know you should try…’

Sigh. It’s easy to want to get defensive. Most likely, your first instinct is to reply with something like, ‘Who are you? You really think you know me? Want to try living my life? I’ve already been puked and peed on today, I’ve refereed three brawls, popped the heads back on two Barbies, cleaned red nail polish out of white carpet AND I put dinner in the oven. Still want to give me advice?’

Sigh again. But we don’t say that. Don’t want to make a scene. Don’t want to set a bad example for the kids. So we just give a half smile, look down, and silently curse the parenting ‘expert’ in line behind us.

But what can we say that makes us feel vindicated and like we stood up for ourselves, our kids, our way of parenting (without coming across as a maniacal, clearly out of control mother)? One thing to keep in mind is that you do not owe this person an explanation of your parenting choices. My tendency, when someone questions my way of doing something, is to proceed with an entire narrative of my rationale, incorrectly assuming that the person will see my point of view, switch theirs, and leave agreeing with me. Wrong. So don’t even waste the effort.

Also, repeat this to yourself during and after the encounter: I am the best parent for my child. Whoever gave you unsolicited advice, even a family member, does not know your child as well as you do. You have been there since the beginning.You have changed the diapers, celebrated the achievements, wiped the tears, and been the cheerleader. Therefore, you are the best person to care for and make decisions about the needs of your child.

So what do you say? My favorite is simply, ‘This is what works for us.’ It’s generic enough to be applicable to lots of situations yet directive enough to let the other person know that you aren’t interested in discussing it further.

Then change the subject- to something other than kids/parenting/advice. I would suggest changing the subject with a statement rather than a question, since asking a question puts the conversational ball back into other person’s court.

-‘I just can’t believe how hot/cold/rainy/windy it’s been!’

-‘I’m sure glad the checkout line isn’t very long today.’

-‘I saw that the high temperature is supposed to be ___ tomorrow.’

Think this conversational shift is awkward? Not as awkward as offering someone unwanted parenting advice.

Another option is to divert your attention away from the person. An easy way to do this is to talk to your child.

-‘It’s almost our turn to check out! Can you count how many people are in line in front of us?’

-‘What would you like for dinner?’

-‘Are you excited about soccer practice this evening?’

Whatever happens, leave the encounter with your head up and shoulders back because you stood up for yourself in an appropriate way. Bonus: you’ve set a great example for your children.

Privacy Policy

2011-04-23T22:19:00.000-07:00

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Contact Us

2011-04-23T22:15:00.000-07:00

Contact Us

If you have any questions regarding the content in this website, about the products that are mentioned, or just any questions at all don’t hesitate to contact us at the following address:

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About Us

2011-04-23T22:10:00.000-07:00

About Us

Hello, welcome to my blog.

I’m Imas Kurnia Laela Dewi. I’m the founder of “singleparent-s.blogspot.com”

I dedicate this blog to provide useful information and tips about the newborn lives. The life is full of joy, love and hope.

I hope you can find useful information in this blog.

Happy reading

Family Traditions

2011-04-22T05:00:00.000-07:00

I'm so excited to bring you a guest post from Dr. Abigail Brenner, the co-author of The Essential Guide to Baby's First Year. She's written a wonderful piece on the importance of family traditions and gives parents tips for creating and keeping traditions alive. Enjoy!

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5 Ways to Create Family Tradition and 5 Reasons Why We Should
By Abigail Brenner, M.D.
Co-Author of The Essential Guide to Baby's First Year

Life today is so fast-paced and demanding, it’s important that we find ways to reconnect with each other on a daily basis. Establishing family traditions helps us do just that. Traditions are those special times that bring families together, allowing us to express unity as a family and to create bonds that last a lifetime. Since every family unit is unique unto itself, the traditions created by each family are sure to be unique and special to the whole family unit as well as to each of its members individually.

Focus traditions around daily activities
You can utilize every day rituals, the activities and routine of daily living, to establish family traditions. These might include rituals surrounding bedtime. Talking, reading, snuggling up together, and saying a prayer are things to look forward to on a regular basis.

Spending time alone with each child, such as having dinner with individual children or doing a hobby or project together personalizes experiences and affords parents the opportunity to recognize and encourage each child’s special qualities. Weekly family meetings (perhaps with a favorite dinner) allows for discussion of upcoming schedules and activities for each family member and provides a forum to air differences, raise important issues, and plan ahead for the family.

Create a yearly family tradition
These outings can include camping, hiking, or going fishing at the first sign of spring. The first ballgame of the season is often an event anticipated weeks ahead of time. A picnic to a favorite place or a backyard BBQ for friends and neighbors can create an atmosphere of cooperation in the planning and preparation for the event.

The entire family can participate in a “spring cleaning” day around the house, or perhaps a day annually or monthly to lend a hand within the community.

Take an annual family vacation
Family trips can include traveling to reunions to visit with extended family. An annual vacation may be purely for rest, relaxation, and fun, or may have an educational bent, such as a visit to a cultural/historical site or one that reflects a specific place or event that is being studied in school.

What’s important is that each family member has an opportunity to weigh in on choosing where the family should go. Family trips can also have themes, such as ecology, learning about the environment, working on a farm or ranch, or “service trips” such as helping a community at home or abroad.

Use your family history
These traditions provide a sense of continuity and cultural identity and allow us to explore the similarities, the things that resonate within each of us individually, with our ancestors. Visiting the cemetery to the gravesites of family members is common to many cultures and affords the family a time to honor and remember those who have gone before us.

Beyond hearing stories about one’s ancestors, making a trip of “discovery” to the mother country, the home of one’s ancestors, puts families up close and personal with the land and landmarks of one’s relatives.

Family objects and artifacts, things inherited from family members (Bibles, wine cups, candlesticks, baptismal outfits, Christmas ornaments, etc.) can be incorporated into family rituals and ceremonies.

Start a holiday tradition
Birthdays, anniversaries, and other personal family events are occasions to establish any number of traditions, such as a favorite cake or meal, or visiting a place closely associated with the event.

Annual religious and national rituals and ceremonies provide unity in community, celebrating with those who share ideas and beliefs. Beyond what we have in common, though, families can learn together about other spiritual traditions by visiting local houses of worship and participating in holidays and celebrations of other traditions. This practice encourages tolerance, acceptance, and diversity.

There’s no doubt that the benefits of establishing family traditions go well beyond spending time together. These are five reasons why we should create family traditions.

Traditions establish and strengthen family bonds by providing a solid structure, a sense of continuity, and a feeling of belonging.
Family teaches values. Traditions support and communicate a family’s belief system. They instill faith and convey the family’s perspective on life experiences.
The immediate family serves as your witnesses through life’s transitions, sharing and committing to each other in times of joy and celebrations and lending support and comfort through crises, disappointments, and losses.
A healthy family unit is a vital force in the nurturing and molding of a child’s identity. Family traditions are a sound way to foster a sense of stability and security and this contributes to the emotional health, self-esteem, and self-respect of family members.
The family serves as the model for all interpersonal relationships. The way an individual is cared for, supported, encouraged, allowed to express and be themselves in the family, or not, enormously influences the choices and decisions an individual makes moving into the future.

Family traditions are part of the “language” of a family, a short-hand, symbolic way of relating that everyone understands. As life moves forward and people grow and change, family traditions keep us connected. For sure, they create memories for everyone to share for a lifetime, and even beyond.

Copyright © 2011 Abigail Brenner, M.D., co-author of The Essential Guide to Baby's First Year.

Author Bio
Abigail Brenner, M.D., co-author of The Essential Guide To Baby's First Year, is a board certified psychiatrist currently in private practice as well as an ordained interfaith minister who helps people design, create, and perform personally meaningful rituals. She is also author of SHIFT: How to Deal When Life Changes, and the author of Transitions: How Women Embrace Change and Celebrate Life.

For more information please visit http://www.abigailbrenner.com and follow the author on Twitter or Facebook

Parent of the Week: Karen

2011-04-19T05:00:00.000-07:00

Today we honor Karen, an amazing mother of 3 who shares her story of finding out that one of her daughters had a rare muscle disorder- what that meant for her, her daughter, and the rest of her family. Read on in admiration at her strength, positivity, and confidence in her daughter. It will truly warm your heart.

REMEMBER: If you’d like to be a Parent of the Week, or if you’d like to nominate someone, simply email me at deluna.jamie@gmail.com. It’s that easy!

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Enabling Faith

How truly exciting it was to be asked to be Parent of the Week. Being a mom of three, with one being special needs, I welcome any opportunity to share my story in hope of helping other families and raising awareness.

My name is Karen. My amazing husband and I live in a suburb of Dallas, Texas, and we have three wonderful angels for children. They range in age from 14 to 10 years.

My life drastically changed with the birth of my youngest daughter. Having no warning at all, she was born with a rare muscle disorder called Arthrogryposis Multiplex Congenita (AMC). Unfortunately, she was born with a severe form of it involving fused ribs, fused spine, inability to swallow, and brittle bones. The prognosis was extremely bleak, with the physicians giving her six months to live, tops. Being a Christian woman, and from a wonderful supportive family, I told the doctor ‘thank you for your “prediction”, but I’ll take it from here’. I refused to accept his prediction. We went for five months before I was able to get her an appointment at the amazing Scottish Rite Hospital in Dallas. There, the orthopedist diagnosed her with AMC and filled us in on what the disorder was. I immediately began researching and looking for those familiar with AMC and how to treat it in the best way possible to give her quality of life. It was a long challenging road due to the rarity of the disorder. However, while doing research one night while sitting up with my daughter, I ran across a wonderful website. Low and behold, an actual support group for AMC. I sat and cried and cried. What a relief to finally find others that have experienced all the trials and tribulations I have. From that day forward I have benefited from knowing other families from around the world, sharing ideas, contacts, joys and yes, even sorrows. The support group has become my extended family by all means.

Little did I know that my life would soon require me to do juggling acts. Forty hour work weeks, soccer practices, football practices, parent conferences and the never ending scheduling of seven different physicians, four different therapies and 120 hours a week of nursing schedules, sleep was hard to come by. Somehow though things fell into place, and my children got what they needed.

My oldest two children have had huge adjustments in their lives. From being the babies and having a lot of mom’s attention, to having to “wait their turn” to get attention from mom. The never-ending revolving door of nurses in our home day and night for years had their toll on everyone. However, my children are extremely strong and have learned so much from their little sister, and likewise I’ve learned from my children. The experience has given everyone a whole new view on life; more compassion, care, patience, and a better understanding of what life is like for a disabled child and to be his/her family.

Throughout the years, I have had low times where I asked why God would put us through this? Why he would put my daughter through this? I feel that angels are sent to us in disguise. Maybe to give us a wakeup call, saying ‘hey, you are not on the right path, there is much more for you to do and see’. I truly believe I was sent an angel to teach me, and I am extremely blessed to be one of the chosen ones.

For more information on Arthrogryposis Multiplex Congenita:

AMC Support Group: www.amcsupport.org
Facebook group as Arthrogryposis Multiplex Congenita Support, Inc.
My blog: www.enablingfaith.wordpress.com
AMC Documentary in progress: http://www.amcdocumentary.org/

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Karen and past Parents of the Week, feel free to grab the award badge:

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Depressed Teens

2011-04-18T20:21:00.000-07:00

Depressed Teens Reviews

Executive summary about depressed teens by Gayle Jacobson

schizophrenia

Research is showing that depressed teens are more likely to suffer with mental health problems as adults. Of course more research is needed to determine if teenage depression actually contributes to more serious problems later in life. If you think that you may be a depressed teens, you are definitely not alone. If you think that you may be the parent of a child who is a depressed teens there are some common problems and symptoms they may be experiencing. Depressed teens often fell that things are hopeless. Find someone to talk to. If you feel out of control make sure that you stay with someone who will help if you need it.

It's not your fault you a depressed teens. Talk often to someone whom you trust. The stresses of school work can take a lot out of a depressed teens. If you are feeling overwhelmed about your school work find a teacher or a counselor you can confide in if you can't talk to your parents.

Depressed Teens – Make an Alert!

Executive summary about depressed teens by Smitrij Perstrik

Every fifth teenager experiences depressive moods and feelings, but clinically depression in adolescents is often not diagnosed. Depression becomes an universal disease that hits people of all ages, sexes and social status.

Depressed teens are an alarming issue and the depressing statistics demonstrates the importance of the problem that needs be address immediately.

Seasonal depression hits only few adolescents, while 5% of teens suffer from major depression.
Depression tends to run in families so inheritance is considered to be a significant risk factor.
Substance abuse can hit up to the third part of teens suffering from depressions.
For the overwhelming majority of suicidal teens depression or another psychological disorder precedes and plays a primary role.
Bipolar disorder being more serious mental disease then depression is often developing with teenagers suffering from untreated depression.

Depressed teens can be occasional or persistent. Occasional teen depression outbreaks need attention and assistance of those with front-line contact to a teen to prevent the unlucky development.

Teen depression symptoms

Observe your adolescent to catch the depressions signs in time! If several of those symptoms are present make an alert!

Chronically depressed mood occurring for most of the day, more days than not.
This may be shown as irritability rather than depression
Poor appetite or overeating.
Insomnia or hypersomnia.
Low energy or fatigue.
Low self-esteem.
Poor concentration or difficulty making decisions.
Feelings of hopelessness.
Low interest and decreasing social contacts.
Self-criticism, with the self-concepts of being uninteresting, incapable, or ineffective.

Different type of substance abuse can become accompanying problems for a teen suffering of depressions. Many youngsters that face bouts of depression prone to hide the signs from the the close environment, both parents, friends and teachers. Mental health professionals advise parents and teachers to be aware of signs of depression in their children as an important part of parenting a teen.

As it was mentioned inheritance of depression is a serious risk factor, but also social rejection, death, loss of relationship, loss of hopes and dreams, abandonment, traumatic event or failing grades for a teen also lead to outburst of anxieties, that develops to depressions.

Whatever is selected - psychotherapy, cognitive behavioral therapy, or interpersonal therapy - the right method normally gives the expected results. Self-help books can be an assistive method to support the teen depression treatment.

I suggest to check my other review on mother bracelets

Choosing Your Battles

2011-04-18T05:00:00.000-07:00

Choosing your battles. If you fought every battle with your child, you’d never stop fighting. If you didn’t engage in any negotiation, you’d miss valuable, ahem, teaching moments in which your child learns to get along, trust, and let others lead. So, what’s the right balance? Here a few tips for the exhausted momma (and daddy) on choosing your battles:

1. Safety – When it comes to safety, it’s a no-brainer. Engage in the battle. You’re the parent and you’re responsible for seeing to it that your child does not hurt him/herself or another child. This includes physical hurts as well as emotional hurts.

2. Say yes when you can – Children like to have control over their own lives and feel like they are making important decisions that affect them. Saying yes to everyday battles like what to wear to school outside staying outside 5 more minutes saves you the heartache of argument and allows your child to exercise independence. Say something like, “I can hear that you are really having a fun time with your friends outside and would like to finish up for a few more minutes. I’ll set the egg timer for 5 minutes and when it goes off, it will be time to come inside and hop in the bath.” Quick tip: think to yourself ‘Will it hurt my child? Will it greatly affect the rest of our day?” If the answer is no, challenge yourself to say ‘yes’.

3. Listen to your child’s opinions – Even if you know that the eventual answer will be ‘no,’ listen to your 7-year-old’s reasons for wanting to stay up past midnight on a school night or your 5-year-old’s argument for why it really would be a good idea to get 4 family puppies. Just like adults, when children feel heard, the let down is much easier. When appropriate, offer an alternative- say, staying up until 10pm on a Friday, or going to visit the SPCA one weekend.

4. When you negotiate, really negotiate – Children, even young ones, understand when their ideas are being considered versus when they’re being shut down.

First, use phrases like “I hear that you want...” and “It sounds like what you’re asking for is...,” followed by “Is that right?” This way, you make sure you’ve got all your facts straight.
Next, state your side (if different from your child’s) by saying something like “My issue is that if we...then....” or “Hmm, I’m concerned that...”
See if your child has any solutions, or introduce a possible solution with a phrase like “Here’s an idea:”

Battles and power struggles with kids can be tricky, but don’t always have to be stressful. Knowing when to let go and knowing how to handle the ones you choose to take on can make all the difference!

Happy National Occupational Therapy Month!

2011-04-14T05:00:00.000-07:00

April is National Occupational Therapy Month! Here at KidsCare Therapy, we can’t think of a better way to celebrate than to partner with Avant Garde Parenting to educate parents all over the country about this incredible service we’ve been offering children in the Dallas/Fort Worth area. Perhaps you’ll even discover how occupational therapy can help a child you know succeed in everyday life!

When you think of occupational therapy, what comes to mind? What do you think an occupational therapist does? (Hint: they do not help people choose a career!) Of the three disciplines KidsCare Therapy offers (speech, physical and occupational therapy), there seems to be the least familiarity with the role of occupational therapy, especially in pediatric patients.

In its most basic form, occupational therapy helps people fully develop the tasks that occupy their time. What do you spend most of your day doing? Most of you would say work occupies a majority of your time, whether that is in a professional environment or in the home. An occupational therapist assists in the development of skills that are crucial to success in this area. In pediatric occupational therapy, the goal is to help children develop into fully-functioning independent adults by developing necessary life skills. And what better way to accomplish this than through what occupies most children’s time—play! Playing is essentially the job of a child, after all. By creating games and activities that incorporate the development fine motor skills—grasping and pointing, just to name a few—occupational therapists are laying the groundwork for mastery of important tasks such as handwriting, using utensils to eat, and bathing.

And because our daily interactions are not just limited to objects, occupational therapists also focus on how children relate to other individuals. Activities can be centered around learning to take turns and increasing comfort while engaging in social exchanges with another person. They will also address attention deficits and behavioral concerns. Therapy helps prolong attention to, and increase participation in, everyday tasks.

The ability to thrive requires problem-solving skills as well. Occupational therapy is instrumental in helping children not only recognize a problem, but also fully comprehend the issue and develop a strategy to overcome it. Occupational therapists also address trunk and upper extremity weakness, or a lack of strength in the shoulders, arms, wrists, hands, and torso. Without first developing the muscles in these parts of the body, everyday tasks are nearly impossible.

The very nature of occupational therapy makes the home an ideal setting in which to administer it—therapists are able to incorporate objects from the child’s own home into treatment. This means that a child is able to learn how to correctly use their own toys. In addition, they are learning to eat at their own table, with their own utensils, and they are potty trained in their own bathroom.

As you’ll learn in the following success story, many children seen by occupational therapists suffer from sensory-processing disorders. Home health has proved to be extremely successful for these patients, and one of our occupational therapists will explain how she worked in the child’s natural environment to overcome many of the problems he was facing.

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Three-year old Chris was referred to occupational therapy by his speech therapist due to concerns with his poor behavior, decreased attention, and possible sensory processing difficulties. When he began OT services, he frequently bounced between activities, was overly focused on certain play items (Thomas the Train, Cars), used only a few intelligible words, was sensitive to touch (disliked brushing teeth/hair and haircuts; didn’t like messy hands), and was sensitive to sounds (held hands over his ears often). He was a picky eater, delayed in potty training, behind on fine motor skills (grasp, drawing, snipping, & stringing beads), frequently threw tantrums, and preferred to play alone.

OT treatment involved structured play which incorporated his special interests to increase his focus and motivation to try new things, alternating between sit-down and movement activities to increase his attention, play with textured or messy materials, and the use of songs involving touch (“Head, Shoulders, Knees & Toes”) to decrease touch sensitivity. Also utilized were oral-motor/mouth activities (horns, whistles, bubbles, food play) to decrease sensitivity for brushing teeth and eating different foods, Therapeutic Listening ® (the use of modulated music on headphones) to decrease sound sensitivity and increase language and attention skills, practice of fine motor and self-care skills, behavior modification strategies (structure, choices, rewards, limits), and modeling of proper social interaction skills. With skilled OT intervention, home activities, caregiver education, and coordination with his treating Speech Therapist, Chris was discharged from both OT and ST services after one year. He is now able to participate in all age-appropriate tasks, has normal language skills, has fewer behavioral outbursts, attends well, and can play appropriately with his family and peers and with increased interest.

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Be sure to check back for our next posting, where we’ll talk about some of the more common conditions seen by occupational therapists, developmental red flags of which you should be aware, and some tips from our in-office occupational therapist to assist your child in proper development. In addition, we’ll be sharing another success story where you’ll learn about how OT services helped a child overcome some of the problems that come along with Autism. You won’t want to miss it!

Parent of the Week: Kim

2011-04-12T05:00:00.000-07:00

Today we honor Kim, an artist momma (check out her website) with two blonde cuties! She’s adventurous, fun, and funny- you’ll just love her J

REMEMBER: If you’d like to be a Parent of the Week, or if you’d like to nominate someone, simply email me at deluna.jamie@gmail.com. It’s that easy!

Tell me a little about you- Who are you? What do you do? Hobbies? Do you dance in the car?

My name is Kim and I am a fun-loving, free spirit, active kind of girl. I’m not afraid of having my kids think that I am a little crazy and yes, I absolutely dance in the car! I’m also an artist who recently opened my online boutique called Pretty Keepsakes. I make and design custom accessories for special occasions. I have a really unique and fun product line for Flower Girls, princess parties, birthday gifts, weddings and so forth. It’s my newest adventure and I’m really excited about it!

Tell me about your children

My husband Stefan and I have two crazy-fun kids that we adore. We are one of those families that does everything together. We hike together, bike together, play together and laugh an awful lot together. Jake is our oldest and he just turned 6 ½ last week. We celebrated his half birthday with a gigantic donut. Ava is our youngest and she is 4 ½ . The kids are best friends and they are wonderful influences on each other. Jake is more reserved, athletic and everything that you would expect from a little boy. Ava is gregarious, fearless and all girly girl! Together, they push each other in ways that they both benefit from individually and we grow and learn as a family. Living in the moment and being active in their lives means everything to us and so we try our best to be completely present with them whenever we are together.

What surprised you most about parenting?

Well, I am constantly surprised and amazed by the amount of laundry I do! I am also astonished by how quickly our home can go from clean to totally destroyed and I’m stunned when my kids they look at me as though I have twelve heads simply because I asked them if they want to eat the exact same thing that they have lived off of for the past two weeks. However, although the day-to-day things surprise me, I think that what surprised me the most about being a Mom is the sheer magnitude of how having a child changed every aspect of my life. Having kids was never something that I dreamt about or dwelled upon. I was a 34 year old ski instructor, mountain bike guide and a Realtor who thought that I had it all when I married my husband. We loved our life, decided that it would be fun to have kids. I thought that my life really wouldn’t change that much when we had kids-I just thought that kids would be the “icing on the cake.” Well, almost seven years later, it’s difficult to even recognize the person who I was before I had my kids! I had no idea that becoming a Mom would be so monumental and such an all-encompassing on-going experience. It has changed my priorities, heightened my life’s goals, expanded my ability and desire to love, care and nurture others and the list is never-ending.

How have you had to be Avant Garde as a parent?

I believe that some of my most innovative parenting moments have come out of sheer desperation. For example, last spring break, I took the kids on a hike to a waterfall. The hike ended with a big uphill climb. I knew that I couldn’t carry both of them and my backpack up that hill and I also realized that they would be tired by the end of the hike. It was close to Easter, so before the hike, I covertly packed some plastic Easter eggs into my pack. After a long day of hiking, throwing rocks into the river and playing, it was time to head back to our car. About ½ way up the ascent, I yelled with great enthusiasm “there goes the Easter Bunny!!!” I pointed in one direction and simultaneously placed an egg down on the ground in the opposite direction. After the commotion, the kids found the egg and started looking for more. I continued this all the way up the hill and my kids practically ran up the hill with all of their enthusiasm! They even yelled that they had just seen the Easter Bunny at times! It was so fun! You could call it Avant Garde, innovative or just plain loony parenting, but I feel that a little creativity can go a long way in regard to keeping everyone in the family happy. I realize what my desired goal is and if I can have a little fun reaching that goal instead of a major meltdown along the way, we all win!

Kim and Past Parents of the Week: Feel free to grab the Parent of the Week Badge: